My self-development journey has led me to put a lot of focus on my flaws. But every so often I have to toot my own horn and acknowledge my positive traits. One of these being my strong belief that we can all win!
But experience has shown me that not everybody thinks this way. I went to a selective sixth form full of ‘smart students’ and I ‘cut off’ a lot of the friends I had made there early on because I was sick of the competitive nature. I had ‘friends’ that were hiding information from me whilst gladly soaking in all of the tips and advice I had to give because they felt that I was their competition.
Maybe I should be honoured that they saw me as a worthy opponent.
Maybe the only reason I was so happy to run this race as a collective was because my passion and drive weren’t as strong as theirs; I wasn’t as hungry for these things that we were all after.
Or maybe, just maybe, I just genuinely want everyone to win! *adjusts halo*
Sharing Is Caring
I have a strong belief that what God has set aside for me is for me and that no man can tamper with that. So when it comes to things like job openings, exam tips, networking events etc, I feel that it is important to expose our friends to such opportunities. A friend of mine always questioned why I would see an opportunity and share it. Well… why not? Apparently, this can lower my chances of success, but I don’t measure my success against the next person, I measure it against the old me.
Someone else’s win is not my loss.
“Look in the mirror, that’s your comptetition”
S/O to the people that do this! I am pleasantly surprised at the people -whom I don’t even consider close friends- that reach out to me with opportunities. I am also too often disappointed in ‘friends’ that will exclude me from something they knew I would benefit from.
The way I view life, if someone else has to lose for me to win, then I didn’t really win, I just replaced them.
Support Your Friends!
There are also some people, I don’t know what their wahala is, but they can’t bear to see anybody do well. Even their so-called friends.
This is the day and age where “everybody has a blog, a youtube channel, a podcast, a wig line etc” and yet even when your supposed bestie is posting links you won’t give a simple RT. Does the fact that the market may be oversaturated mean that whatever they have to say/show/sell is not of value? Does it mean that their efforts should go to waste? Do you think that they aren’t good enough to make it? Regardless of whether or not you answered yes to any of these questions, as a friend, you should still support! This is not the kind of support that ends in a RT or a Snapchat shout out, but the type that leads to constructive criticism to help make them better.
If this is what they have chosen to do, as their friend, your job is to help make them the best in their endeavours.
Asahd Khaled most likely agrees that healthy competition is key in a healthy relationship. People talk all the time about having friends that motivate them, well this works both ways. The title of this post is that we can ALL win. Your relationships will probably last a lot longer if you are all working towards something. So, if you have friends that seem stagnant in their growth/goals, encourage them to work towards something. Compete with them in a healthy and fruitful way. You don’t have to be doing the same things, but you should both have the end goal of being successful.
I am a female. Therefore it is probably correctly assumed that I have dealt with jealous ‘friends’: the kind that will hate on my success before making any attempts to work towards their own. Such friends probably could have done with some motivation rather than termination. Whether or not they accepted or acted on it is an issue for another day, but always do your part.
Ultimately, nobody wants to see everyone pass them by, sometimes people just need a push to join the race!
Believe In Your Slay!
It’s much easier to support your friends and willingly share information that may lead to another individual’s big break if you aren’t constantly worried about your own success.
My mother always reminds me that those that ‘made it’ were not born with two heads; in other words, we are all capable.
It’s easy to doubt yourself during tough times and compare your walk to those closest to you- I’m guilty. When this happens, those who are your true friends should be there to help pick you back up! However, if that belief isn’t already instilled in you, no one else’s words can force it to be true. You have to be a firm believer in your slay before anyone else can convince you of it.
King Bey said it herself, “we gon’ slay” simply meaning that we can all win, but it’s a choice!
If for whatever reason you can’t do any of the above, please remember to pray for your friends! Life is already hard enough, so why not help a sister/brother out?