University: I Cannot Come and Die | Featuring Dafra Star

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university why we hate it i cannot come and die behind the schmile self development lifestyle blogger student life tisha talks collaboration dafra star

My love-hate relationship with university has often caused me to question whether or not I should be here.

Love it or hate it, I think all can agree that one major benefit of the university experience is the number of life lessons you learn and how quickly it can boost your maturity (if you let it). But in the process of learning these great lessons, there will be a lot of tests, a lot of stress and absolutely no rest. I’m a strong believer that every experience is a lesson and therefore never a ’waste of time’. But five, ten, fifty years down the line, how much of it really matters?

In order to answer these questions, I have teamed up with the beautiful Dafra of DafraStar to discuss the importance of the issues that so many students face!

Grades/Academic Achievements

Nobody willingly commits to decades of debt with the goal of attaining a ‘mediocre’ grade – or worse: failure.

Nobody wants to turn up to an interview (if they even manage to get one) full of self-doubt because their grades don’t reflect their full potential.

Nobody wants to invest their blood, sweat and tears only to be deemed a disappointment.

Yet this is how many of us feel.

Our passion, understanding and ability can be measured in more ways than an exam or 10,000-word essay- but university doesn’t always take this into account. We attend lectures (the most ineffective method of teaching) only to find that it’s essential to be self-taught.

Call me lazy, but it’s a lot of work for something that might matter in the future. We may have learnt how to reference 50-year old scientific papers, compute large calculations and memorise formulas, but in the real world, how important is it all?

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Unfortunately (or fortunately for some), not that much.

I’m often forced to remind myself that (excessively) over what has temporary importance.

Jobs/Careers

I know, I know, I know, this happens to everyone in life and isn’t exclusive to university students. But when you sign up with the intention of getting a job in the end (as most do), the pressure is constantly on you to deliver.

Surrounded by people with 5 internships under their belt, a flourishing side hustle and top grades, it’s very easy to feel under-qualified or undeserving.

Whether you feel confused about your career prospects or are struggling to find work experience, career-related blues will hit you at some point during your academic career. As I mentioned in ‘Education Does Not Equal Success’, a degree alone is no longer the golden ticket it once was. So here we are again, asking what exactly the point is?

university why we hate it i cannot come and die behind the schmile self development lifestyle blogger student life tisha talks collaboration dafra star

There are so many other valuable and transferable skills that university life can teach us. I cannot promise that you will find your calling in life, but you will be able to get by. I shared a year ago in my post Pursuing Purpose that we need to take life one step at a time. Doing the little things will eventually help us see the bigger picture. View this season as a big-little thing and stop viewing it as your ticket to your dream job.

Friendships/Relationships

Long before university, I was forced to accept that life is not an American high-school TV drama- not everybody will make lifelong friends. But this didn’t take the pressure of feeling isolated and lonely.

As a social being, I wondered how long the difficulty to interact with other social beings would last; especially once I am no longer in an environment that forces me to socialise the way school/university does.

I still don’t have the answers. It doesn’t help that university forces me to be surrounded by people and their friendship groups/cliques/societies all the time! But it has taught me a lot about people: how I interact with them and what behaviours I feel would make someone (myself included) a bad friend. We can’t be so desperate for companionship that we tolerate nonsense- at any stage of our lives!

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With regards to romantic relationships, if you’ve read my post Single… and so? then you’ll already know that this isn’t a personal struggle of mine, but definitely one I have witnessed way too often amongst my peers. Be it pressure from your family or friends*, so many are worried that if they aren’t boo’d up by the time they graduate, it will never happen.

*NEWSFLASH: for some people, peer pressure doesn’t stop after secondary school

I hate to seem overly logical, but if this is you, please ask yourself how many people you know that found their husband/wife at university.

university why we hate it i cannot come and die behind the schmile self development lifestyle blogger student life tisha talks collaboration dafra star

The truth is that whether you’re 18 or 25, you are still learning a lot about who you are and how the world works. Everyone else is doing the same. Don’t be disappointed if your WCW/MCM isn’t ready for a serious relationship right now. Your time will come.

Reputation/Social Status

Being cool.

Believe it or not, I have come across people at university who make this a priority. #CantRelate

university why we hate it i cannot come and die behind the schmile self development lifestyle blogger student life tisha talks collaboration dafra star

I can understand why, to an extent… We’re all social beings that crave social acceptance and in this social media age, no-one wants to be left behind. This leads to people putting up false pretences in order to be accepted, being misled and struggling to find themselves. Trying to fit into a community/society in a university environment can lead to a lot of feelings of insecurity. Despite how small university is in a relative sense, once inside this bubble it can feel like a massive place. It can be daunting being that girl that doesn’t fit in anywhere. This I can relate to.

It forces thoughts regarding the real world and how easily members of society form social groups and join cliques. If university is a taste of adult life, then how important will it be to fit in?

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I’m hoping not too much. As much as we may try, we cannot run away from who we really are. We will always bump into people and hopefully, find people we can truly connect to. But in order to truly connect, it’s important not to be anything less than yourself.

“Be yourself. You’ll sleep better” – Gucci Mane

Mental Health

*Deep sigh* Yes guys, the big one…

Mental Health at university is a crazy thing. Everyone knows about it (whether or not they are able to recognise issues within themselves), yet people are so reluctant to do anything about it. Myself included.

The problem (for me at least) is that we’ve accepted it as the norm. My issues aren’t worth drawing attention to because they aren’t big enough. I wouldn’t describe my case as ‘extreme’ or ‘high risk’ which means I’m just like every other student. Stress is hard to deal with, but it’s just part of the process, right?

university why we hate it i cannot come and die behind the schmile self development lifestyle blogger student life tisha talks collaboration dafra star

Our educational system is flawed. The attention that mental health awareness has received as of late is enough to highlight that we’re doing something wrong. Everything I have listed above is a major contributing factor. Between balancing coursework deadlines, job applications, this blog and any other hobbies that require my attention, I never expected to be anything other than stressed out. I wrote all about what I had anticipated in my post Returning to University.

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But Mental Health isn’t something you wait to deal with after graduation. Life will come at you fast once you leave the bubble. It’s better to be prepared than caught off guard. It’s also important to differentiate between a serious mental issue and simply being stressed out by your workload… Neither is of low importance, but knowing the difference will help you deal with the root issue.

University isn’t forever… thank God!

university why we hate it i cannot come and die behind the schmile self development lifestyle blogger student life tisha talks collaboration dafra star

I know there are many other factors that cause a large number of us to hate our university experience. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget Student Loans, but I already addressed this: Debt & Sugar Daddies? After speaking to a few people and taking the time to think about my current situation, these five topics are what stood out to me the most.

Be sure to have a read of Dafra’s answers to these questions here and let me know what your university struggles are in the comments! Hopefully, we can share tips with each other and continue the discussion!

university why we hate it i cannot come and die behind the schmile self development lifestyle blogger student life tisha talks collaboration dafra star

I also just want to take the time to once again say a massive thank you to you guys! This is my first collaboration and I’m so excited that somebody wanted to write a few words with lil ol’ me! Couldn’t have done it without your support!

As a result of university, I’ll be taking a very short break from blogging. Sign up to the Newsletter to stay updated over the next few weeks!

Finally, as my friend of mine always says, “I cannot come and kill myself because of uni!” – stay stress-free guys!

All the best,Tisha x
#Schmile

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60 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    December 10, 2017 / 1:54 am

    Girrrl!

    • TishaKimiira
      December 10, 2017 / 9:59 am

      😂

  2. December 10, 2017 / 12:11 pm

    Yessss yesss keep bringing this fireeeeee I love love love your postssssss I can connect to them on a personal level, where you’ve said “every experience is a lesson” you’ve hit the nail on the head love this girl keep it up ❤️🙌🏾🏅

    • TishaKimiira
      December 10, 2017 / 12:17 pm

      Thank you so much for reading luvie! Glad you enjoy them- always appreciate your feedback and support! 🙂 x

  3. December 10, 2017 / 5:23 pm

    I like the way you bring out your story, it makes it easy to connect with especially if you are a student or you been through the system like me. When I look back, I think education is more than getting that certificate, it helps you prepare for life in many more ways than just going out to look for a job.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 10, 2017 / 5:26 pm

      I completely agree! If it was just for the education then I don’t think it would be worth the stress😂Thank you for reading 😊

  4. December 10, 2017 / 6:29 pm

    Girlll! I love your writing. This post hit me on sooo many different levels. I agree with soo many things you said esp. The job category and the pressure with needing to deliver.
    A struggle of mine was actually trying to make friends with other people since I was an international student.
    All the bet with your exams and assignments, end the year off strong! 💙🌸

    • TishaKimiira
      December 10, 2017 / 6:50 pm

      Thank you so much!😊Happy to hear I’m not alone in my struggles!!! Thank you- I’ll need it!💙

  5. December 10, 2017 / 7:14 pm

    I completed college in 2015 and I feel this 100%, especially the part about putting so much into something that “might not matter in the future” LOL. I saw a meme on social media that says we force 18 year old to make adult decisions when a month ago they had to ask to go to the bathroom and that’s SO real! I definitely have a love/hate relationship with university!

    Kendro

    • TishaKimiira
      December 10, 2017 / 7:49 pm

      !!!!!!!!! I wish I had seen this meme to include it bc that is so true! Thanks for reading 🙂 x

  6. Kimiifanpage
    December 10, 2017 / 11:11 pm

    This is great! The struggles of life will come here and we need to be prepared. Keep writing great stuff. X

    • TishaKimiira
      December 10, 2017 / 11:22 pm

      Thank you!💙💙💙

  7. December 11, 2017 / 5:52 pm

    Brings me back to 2nd year uni. Oh my gosh. Crying at least once a week became the norm!

    We need a part 2: Work will not kill me!

    Great post, girl

    • TishaKimiira
      December 11, 2017 / 7:14 pm

      Looooool I can’t relate to that one yet thank God! Yeah daily/weekly tears seems to be a standard thing now. Such a mess! Thank you for reading!!! 🙂 x

  8. December 12, 2017 / 9:59 am

    Really interesting! I actually never went to University, never went to any public school actually. I did home-school because my parents thought I would be corrupted by demons if I go to public school. I considered it later, but as I started working online, I never got around to it. So can’t really related, but still an interesting article!

    • TishaKimiira
      December 12, 2017 / 10:06 am

      Interesting to hear your story! I’m glad you enjoyed reading despite not being able to relate! Thanks for stopping by!😊

  9. EG III
    December 12, 2017 / 10:18 am

    It’s definitely not just the education that comes from the university experience, I wouldn’t trade mine for the world as it helped shaped me into the man I am today!

    • TishaKimiira
      December 12, 2017 / 11:06 am

      Thanks for reading 💙

    • TishaKimiira
      December 13, 2017 / 9:24 am

      I hope he finds it helpful!!!💙

  10. December 13, 2017 / 3:24 am

    I’m glad you commented on this . It speaks volumes and many of these issues stumble over into adult hood.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 13, 2017 / 9:24 am

      Thank you for reading!💙

  11. December 13, 2017 / 6:08 am

    College was definitely a learning experience for me. I learned lots of tough lessons, and also learned how to be a parent, since my husband and I had our oldest when we were in our third year. I often wonder if I would change some things, and I’m still not sure.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 13, 2017 / 9:25 am

      I can’t even begin to imagine how tough that must have been!!! Thank you for reading 💙

  12. Kita
    December 13, 2017 / 7:18 am

    I loved school but now that I am older and wiser, I know I will allow my kids to decide of college is the best thing for them. They can do a trade if that makes them more happy.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 13, 2017 / 9:25 am

      I agree with this, university isn’t necessary for everyone! Thanks for reading 💙

  13. December 13, 2017 / 11:26 am

    One thing I learned by attending several universities is that people are the same no matter where you go and often no matter what stage they are in life. It’s important to learn to deal with pettiness and insecurities before you arrive, because all the things experienced in high school are a distraction to higher learning. It’s sad, but true. I thought it was going to be like TV. Then when I look back at shows like A Different World I realize everyone acted just like high school kids with no parental supervision. Lesson learned.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 13, 2017 / 1:43 pm

      I agree that it really is a shame, people are stunting their own growth and development without realising it. Thank you so much for reading and contributing!!!💙

  14. December 13, 2017 / 2:14 pm

    This is so true! I love how you said nobody wants to sign up for tons of debt or get filled with self-doubt, but it will get us in the door. Thinking of that is worth it 🤦🏾‍♀️ some days lol. Great post!

    • TishaKimiira
      December 13, 2017 / 4:37 pm

      Thank you luvie! Glad you enjoyed it 💙

  15. staciesayzso
    December 13, 2017 / 7:02 pm

    Two of my kids just graduated from University so I’m sure they would be able to relate to a lot of this. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 13, 2017 / 7:31 pm

      Thank you for reading! Congratulations to them both!💙

  16. Carissa (The Green Eyed Lady)
    December 14, 2017 / 12:31 am

    This was an awesome post! I work in Higher Education and I can relate to a lot of this!

    • TishaKimiira
      December 14, 2017 / 1:27 am

      Im so glad you enjoyed reading! Thank you so much for visiting 💙

  17. December 14, 2017 / 3:14 pm

    I can definitely relate to the friendship section and feeling unqualified around peers who seem to have it all together. Going to share this!

    • TishaKimiira
      December 14, 2017 / 6:16 pm

      Thank you so much!💙

  18. December 14, 2017 / 5:50 pm

    In some ways, your time at a university is the best time to start dealing with certain things before they drop you off into the world and you have to figure it all out without the “safe” (I use that word lightly) bubble of the campus. Cuz honey, trying to find a therapist outside of one just being on campus is a whole demon lol

    • TishaKimiira
      December 14, 2017 / 6:17 pm

      This probably scares me the most- knowing that things will get worse before/if they get better! Clock is ticking and I haven’t figured everything out yet BUT GOD!😂

      • December 14, 2017 / 7:21 pm

        It’s really a one day at a time thing lol. Some things you just can’t plan for. But you can organize and position yourself to roll through!

        • TishaKimiira
          December 14, 2017 / 7:38 pm

          Agreed! One can only prepare for so much!💙

  19. everydayeyecandy
    December 14, 2017 / 5:57 pm

    College is such a learning experience. It truly prepares you for life!

  20. December 15, 2017 / 4:32 am

    I have to REALLY think back to my college days…I didn’t finish after 3 attempts and felt unsuccessful. In many ways, not having the degree has stunted my ability to make certain progresses in the workforce. On the other hand, when I think back to what I “wanted to be when I grew up” and consider what I want for my present day life, I don’t need one. No one really explains path and journey when you first start out as you’re still trying to figure yourself out, so it can feel like a double-edged sword. Thank you for explaining your point of view. Very eye-opening. Keep going!

    • TishaKimiira
      December 15, 2017 / 8:21 am

      Thank you for reading and sharing this! I think it’s important for people to keep in mind where they are going and what they need to get there!!! Glad you enjoyed reading 💙

  21. Aija
    December 15, 2017 / 12:00 pm

    Definitely understand needing to take a break to focus on school. Priorities, priorities. 🙂

    Best of luck!

    • TishaKimiira
      December 15, 2017 / 12:54 pm

      Thank you so much! 🙂 x

  22. December 15, 2017 / 3:31 pm

    Being in University is definitely a journey. I grew up a lot and learned to be more independent than I already was. I ALSO learned that networking is one hell of a tool. Best wishes on your journey.

    “Grades will only help me get my foot in the door, my work ethic is what keeps me in the room…”-I love that quote.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 15, 2017 / 5:47 pm

      I agree! Networking is definitely an important tool- I’m working on it! 😂 Thank you so much for reading!💙

  23. December 16, 2017 / 11:58 am

    Great perspective. What I know to be true is “grades will only help me get my foot in the door, my work ethic is what keeps me in the room.”

    • TishaKimiira
      December 16, 2017 / 4:39 pm

      Thank you for reading!💙

  24. December 18, 2017 / 4:04 am

    Great post. I finished college many moons ago and agree with your list of struggles. However, I wouldn’t change my experience. I grew as a person, a writer and more. Through it all I proved that I could survive and thrive in my endeavors.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 18, 2017 / 8:46 am

      Thank you so much for reading, always encouraging to hear that people wouldn’t change their experiences!💙

  25. December 18, 2017 / 10:21 pm

    My younger sister and brother are in college right now and I know they’re experiencing similar things when it comes to peer pressure.

  26. December 30, 2017 / 4:51 pm

    Your post brought me back to my college days. All those memories are still alive in my heart. I completely agree with you and don’t like unnecessary expectations from colleges.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 30, 2017 / 5:44 pm

      So glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for reading!💙

    • TishaKimiira
      January 5, 2018 / 1:41 pm

      Haha! I’m glad! Thank you for reading! 🙂 x

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