Comparison is discussed on here a great deal because it’s a massive issue in today’s society that is highly overlooked. We’re all guilty of admiring the lawn next door with greener grass, but we never stop and think about what kind of chaotic state the house that sits on that lawn may be in. We fall into the trap of viewing everyone else’s life through rose coloured glasses.
One of my favourite songs by Kelly Rowland says:
Cuz everything is beautiful when you’re looking through,
Rose coloured glasses
Everything is amazing when you see the view in
Rose coloured glasses
Take em off…
One thing that many people seem to forget is that comparison is the thief of joy both ways around. “Her life is just so amazing” is just as bad as “Thank God I don’t have it as bad as her” in my opinion. I don’t believe in looking down on others for my own benefit and no-one has ever succeeded in comforting me by reminding me of how much more fortunate I am than someone else- this just isn’t how my brain is wired up. There is nothing wrong with appreciating what you have, but you shouldn’t have to belittle anyone else in order to do so.
One occurrence of this that I see way too often is between curvy and slim women. People are born different ways, people grow into various different shapes and sizes and ultimately everyone should strive to be healthy, regardless of their dress size. The empowerment of curvy girls can very quickly turn into a war against slim girls for reasons I am still struggling to understand. My size has nothing to do with your size, so promote your size, be proud and be bold, just leave mine out of it.
It is important to grow in understanding and appreciation of what you have without being influenced by what others have. Because you may have skewed vision of someone else’s life, they may be showing you the parts that are the best, you may be yelling out #Goals to an image that has been posted to cover up years of darkness, torment and fear. The truth is that with such selective vision, you will never grasp the full story, but you don’t need to; as I’ve said before, everyone has their own story, perfect yours!
The second and possibly more important point I wish to make here is about humility and modesty. I’m often fed the “What do you know? Your life is perfect” line. This very clearly isn’t and can never be the case, but when practising self-love I realised how much damage I was doing to my self-esteem and confidence each time I responded with “What? My life is far from perfect! I’m dealing with x, y and z”. You shouldn’t have to lessen your success or put yourself down in order to make others around you feel better or more comfortable about their own situations. Each person has their own set of strengths, use these instead of downplaying yours or even worse, highlighting your shortcomings.
You do not need to hide your blessings in order to be humble.
You just have to make sure you don’t boast. Even in situations where you’ve shown humility, you’ll come across people that want to make you feel inferior because they are more ‘self-made’ than you. And so? *Patience Ozorkwor voice*
“Is it my fault that your father did not leave you a plot of land and my own did? Should I fall down and die for your sake?”
There are some people that make me feel this way all the time. My subconscious response is always “So what now?”
Those in black twitter have most likely had a front row seat to the never ending debate on when financial parental support should end. You’ve probably seen the ridiculous claims that anyone over 18 who takes money from their parents is a bum. *insert infinite side eye*. Not everyone is following a path that has led them to start their own business at 17 years old. Not everyone needs to support themselves at this age. Don’t get me wrong, this is great practice. But people should learn to celebrate their achievements and accomplishments without belittling people that aren’t even in the same arena. How can you win against someone who isn’t even in your league? The delusion needs to end here. Please. For everybody’s sake…
When I celebrate myself and all that God has done for me, it isn’t for boasting sake or for self-praise; but to remain faithful in the promises and plans that God has over my life, to serve as a constant reminder that there is a plan with a much larger victory at the end and it’s a victory that is tailored just for me.
Comparison is something that many of us struggle with. Self-pity and self- doubt are a part of this and a daily battle for me. Work on loving and appreciating yourself more and more every day, don’t be deterred by the insecure few around you. Beyoncé said it best because that’s simply what Beyoncé does: WE GON SLAY… ALL DAY!