I write this post with the full intent of throwing shade whilst growing as an individual… massive contradiction here, I know, but hear me out.
The majority of my posts are based either my own personal experiences or things I have observed and discussed with friends. When it comes to the latter, the only reason I am able to structure a post longer than a single paragraph is because I tend to have a lot of advice to give- not always the best advice, but advice nonetheless. I’m the friend that people come to with their problems, not for comforting words and pity parties but practical solutions.
My problem is that I don’t get this sort of support in return. In fact, sometimes it feels I don’t get any form of support at all. So yes, this is the part where I allow myself to be childish and selfish, yelling out “why me?” and then move on into 2017 and pretend it never happened because life is tough but you take what you’re given. Long story short: my friends don’t support me. Not because they are horrible selfish people, ultimately, I don’t know what their reasons are, but I’m often under the impression that they feel that I don’t need them to, even when I ask.
But as someone who doesn’t believe in wasting time gloating, this is where my pity party ends. Here’s how I’ve benefited from this unfortunate situation…
1: I’ve identified the things I genuinely love.
It can be extremely easy to do things and continue to do them with a lot of enthusiasm when you have a steady support system and a constant flow of praises. In some cases, you may mistake the attention for passion and can invest years doing something you never really had the heart, for because other people wanted you to.
I’ve learnt that when you have a genuine love and passion for something, you’ll do it because you want to, not because of how others perceive it. Now obviously this is something you can identify regardless of whether or not you have a support system, but it’s a whole lot clearer when the tests come and you refuse to give up, even without external encouragement.
2: I’ve learnt to support myself
Probably the most obvious point. I’ve become a lot more confident in the past few years, a kind of confidence that no one can take away from me because I built it up all by myself. I’ve had to remind myself how much *Beyoncé voice* I slay and this hasn’t made me arrogant or cocky (I hope), instead it’s helped me to develop more self-appreciation because I don’t base my value on the thoughts or approval of others.
3: I’ve challenged myself more
It can be tough asking for help from non-supporters for two main reasons:
- They aren’t willing to help
- You feel like a pest just for approaching them
This has left me having to learn ALOT by myself, which is difficult, but satisfying: knowing that evidently, you are capable of achieving everything you set your mind to.
4: I follow my gut
When you lack a support system, you often learn how to be more decisive and simply follow your instincts because you are limited in opportunities for debate. This isn’t always a positive thing; in most cases two heads are always better than one. But on the plus side, the only way you can be discouraged is if you speak negatively about the situation to yourself as there is very little external criticism. This allows you to have the satisfaction of setting your mind on something and actually following it through.
“If they don’t know your dreams, then they can’t shoot em down” – J Cole, Too Deep for the Intro
I know that I am not alone in my feelings, I seem to find a blog post or a vlog almost every week of young ladies complaining about being the ‘giving friend’ or feeling lonely. I know I’m not the best friend a person could have, I have my flaws just like everyone else, but I also know what I deserve and if others aren’t willing to provide such, then who better to than me?
Despite all this, I have to take a moment to switch off petty mode and remind you that although you may feel lonely, the chances are, you do have support, just not from those you think should be providing it. Try to make sure that you don’t ignore those who haven’t forgotten you.
I hope that if you’re going through something similar you can learn to take something positive from the situation and continue to slay in 2017 regardless of who is standing beside you! Stay pretty not petty!
-PS you can probably tell from all of the lyrics that I drop in every so often that I love J Cole and so just incase you have been living under a rock these past two weeks, I have made it my duty to inform you that he released an AMAZING album recently that you NEED to check out.