Growing Pains: Overcoming Childhood Issues

Before I begin, yes this is another long disclaimer.

I thought you should know how much I struggled in uploading this, and many other posts for that matter. I wrote this back in February and I have been hesitant to publish. When it was originally drafted, I wrote with a certain group of people in mind. But that same month I met someone with a beautiful soul, a pure heart and a giving spirit. This was all a result of her growing pains. She was suffering inside and I felt both sympathy and empathy for her because I had been where she was.

My attitude towards the people I initially wrote about wasn’t as heartfelt and considerate. Maybe because I am human and I make unfair judgements about people.My problem is that as this blog grows, so do the number of readers, including people who are close to me who may feel somewhat hurt by what I have to say. So I have written this LONG message to remind everyone that most of the topics I discuss are things I have dealt/or am dealing with too.

So in short, I am not targeting anyone with malicious intent it’s all love b x

The Joys of Childhood…

For some, childhood is a time of bliss, a not so distant memory of better days when we never lacked in energy and stress was a foreign language. For others, unfortunately, childhood was a season of pain, immense difficulties we had not yet been trained to understand and a world where joy only existed in our dreams. For most, childhood (however you choose to define it), was a marriage of these two realities. I’ve used the word marriage here because, for many, it seems they feel a strong conviction in their hearts that they are forbidden to separate themselves from such past experiences; but in extreme cases, a divorce is more than necessary.

I’d like to address this post to everyone because we all face difficulties growing up, and those we experience at a young age have the tendency to scar us for life. You may consider yourself a victim of body image issues or you may have been discouraged by some hurtful words that have stuck in the forefront of your mind for the past 10 years- be rest assured that these are all very real problems that a lot of young and even grown and mature adults find themselves dealing with. You are not alone in your struggle.

But my one request is this: stop allowing this to define you!

Let Go…

It always amazes me to hear people talk about the problems they face in their day-to-day lives, it saddens me how many people seem to suffer in silence and how tempting it is to want to turn a blind eye to an unfortunate situation because “we all have our own problems, we don’t need to be burdened by anyone else’s”. But what completely shatters my heart into a million pieces is listening to someone talk about their problems, talk about the cause and then wallow in self-pity with no intention of forming a solution. I find myself wanting to scream at them, questioning why they aren’t doing anything about it!

It seems a complete waste to know the root cause of a problem and not want to fix it. It’s like finding out your tank is empty, but instead of topping up the fuel levels in your car, you walk everywhere and then complain about how much your legs ache. There is an Igbo Proverb that says:

Okuko na-arogoro ite onu, chetekwe mma gburu ya.

Meaning “the chicken frowns at the cooking pot, ignoring the knife that killed it”.

I come across people that live their lives bitter, complaining about all the many things that they don’t have the confidence to do in the future, whilst completely ignoring the very thing that has landed them in this position. The honest truth is that I struggle to sympathise. I have an appreciation for the cause of their behaviour, but this doesn’t increase my tolerance.

Fix It!

I’ve been told by my father that I am a woman of action and I agree. I don’t like to see something undone, I don’t like to leave things floating in the air. And I’m not talking about small things like washing dishes, believe me, I will be the first one to ‘leave the pot to soak’ for a day! But in most cases, if I see something that needs fixing and I have the tools with me, I will fix it. It’s honestly as simple as that for me, but I understand that this isn’t the case for everyone.

I haven’t always been this way. Just like everyone else, I had my fair share of troubles during my adolescent years. But support from family instilled a fear in me that has made me who I am today.

“You wouldn’t want to grow up to be a person that wears their scars for the rest of their life”

Don’t be a victim!

Even today, these words shake me. I’m always conscious of how I’m perceived, not wanting to be someone that people feel obliged to pity because my childhood struggles are still worn very clearly on my sleeve at the age of 50, or because the difficulties I faced are the reason I don’t have the confidence to reach my full potential later on in life.  I’ll unashamedly admit that in my early teens when those words were spoken to me, it was anger that fired up in me, not a desire to be a better person. I felt as if the issues I was facing were no fault of mine and so I deserved to be greeted with pity. I deserved for everyone to know the hardships I had faced and I deserved certain allowances because I was a victim.

But I soon learnt that being a victim was nothing to be proud of, and a desire to remain a victim was a way of accepting defeat, refusing to put up a fight and surrendering all of the blessings and great things I was destined to do later on in life.

Forgiveness is a necessity!

A change was needed, and quickly before I lost any more of my youth. I can appreciate that some things are easier said than done, but as I said in my post about forgiveness titled Release, you should have enough self-love to not want to inflict any more pain on yourself. The unfortunate situations you faced are in the past, the orchestrators of your pain are most likely sitting alongside it. Also in the past. But you, your feelings, your actions and your well-being are now, in the present. You owe it to yourself to be an overcomer!

Put in work!

I don’t have a step-by-step guide to dealing with growing pains because every case is different. I couldn’t possibly formulate a perfect solution. But there are three main things I feel you can apply that should help you with your issues.

  1. If you haven’t already, identify the root cause of the problem

  1. Set a personal target- decide what kind of victory you want to come out with

Many people struggle to deal with their growing pains because they don’t have an appreciation of what the alternative is. Like most things in life, you need to set a goal. Simply knowing what you don’t want is not enough; you need to have a clear vision for what you do want.

  1. Work towards it

This is your life. No-one is going to put the effort in for you. Whether this involves praying and asking God for the step-by-step, learning new skills, attending counselling or confronting your childhood villains, YOU have to get up and do something about it. Wishing your pain away won’t get you to where you want to be.

As always, I hope this was helpful and I wish you all the best. Don’t be defined by your past- take control of your future!

Tisha x

#Schmile

  11 comments for “Growing Pains: Overcoming Childhood Issues

  1. August 6, 2017 at 6:17 pm

    Every bit of this post spoke to my heart! Thank you soooooo much for this post. So many of us deal with things from our past that we don’t deal with.

    • TishaKimiira
      August 6, 2017 at 6:44 pm

      Glad it was helpful!!! Thank you so much for reading luvie 💙

  2. August 6, 2017 at 11:42 pm

    Very direct post! I agree that there does come a time where one can’t let previous baggage weigh them down for too long, but I am also on the fence about the whole “victim” narrative. I get the whole notion of personal responsibility, but there are some things that people genuinely do try to work on without knowing how to solve, or that are too much for them to bear and they don’t have the resources or support network available to them for whatever reason to combat. Of course in some situations, it is a bit easier to say that, but for some, not so much.

    • TishaKimiira
      August 7, 2017 at 12:59 am

      I agree, there will be many situations that you can’t simply ‘get over’ but identifying the problem is always the first step. Seeking external guidance might be next on the road to recovery, but nothing should ever be ignored. Thanks for reading!!!💙

      • August 7, 2017 at 4:48 am

        This is true, identification is very important!

  3. August 7, 2017 at 2:08 am

    I LOVE “decide what kind of victory you want to come out with.” It’s always important to remember that we have to be intentional with growth

    • TishaKimiira
      August 7, 2017 at 6:24 pm

      YES! Be intentional or expect nothing! Thank you for reading 💙

  4. August 8, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    Great post. I know people in their 50’s still holding on to stuff that happened when they were 10. Free your mind!

    • TishaKimiira
      August 8, 2017 at 6:33 pm

      Free your mind indeed! Thank you so much!💙

  5. August 30, 2017 at 3:01 pm

    Okay, so I love reading your post! This one touched close to home for me. I went through a lot growing up and no one ever cared, so up until about 2 years ago I played the hell out of that victim card and every bit of it sucked. There was no hope or resolve in playing the victim for me, but one thing I didn’t have to do anymore was fight. Which by this point in my life I was tired mentally, and emotionally and I gave up. I fought with my family for years because they were the problem, but how do you let go of the one thing that you have wanted your whole life, which is having a connection with your family and they weren’t horrible people, but no one ever supported me. At some point I decided that I wanted to be happy because playing the victim was more exhausting than fighting for something. As I started going back to school and coping with some martial issues, one day I woke up and I was exhausted more than I had been before and it was a lack of happiness that was causing it. Since that day I wake up every morning, depression or anxiety ridden, and I choose to do something. It doesn’t have to be much, but to engage with others, because sitting and wallowing is not how I want to spend the rest of my life. So this was a tough read, because it was a reminder. But at the same time it was an amazing read, because I got to realize how far I have come from that victim I use to be. I started my blog From the Scars, because without my scars I wouldn’t be the person I am today. My scars will always be a part of me, but I no longer wear them for everyone to see. They are a reminder of how strong I am and that overcoming what seems impossible is possible. I absolutely love your blog! You rightfully deserve those awards. Thank you! 🙂 – Laila

    • TishaKimiira
      September 6, 2017 at 3:17 pm

      This comment has warmed my heart! I’ve never met you but I’m honestly so proud that you have recognised how far you’ve come and you’re actively trying to work on your issues- this is all anyone can do! You deserve to be happy, as yo’ve said being the victim and fighting is exhausting, trsut me I understand, I’ve been there!
      As I always say your blog is so honest and pure, I pray you grow even stronger and it grows with you!
      You are your biggest investment- your happiness should come first!
      So touched by this, glad it had such an impact!
      All the best x

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