First of all, sorry it has been so long, I got caught up with exams, and then caught up in sleep… and what wonderful sleep it was! But I’m back so let’s get straight into it!
I’m now six months into my new mindset and I’m still learning so much about myself and it has become very obvious to me that self-reflection is absolutely key!
I was recently disappointed by some people close to me and some people I have virtually no relationship with; my character and moral judgement were being questioned and in the process I was condemned by a group of people I expected to treat me with love and compassion. But what surprised me the most each time I spoke to family and other close friends about the situation was how angry they were, because I felt as if they were angry on my behalf. It dawned on me that despite everything that had transpired I was never actually angry, instead I was frustrated at myself for giving room for such events to occur.
I’ve learnt that people cannot provoke what isn’t in you. If you don’t have anger or hate embedded in your heart it doesn’t matter what type of situation you’re in, you will not display angry behaviour. When I was being slandered and criticised I was more patient than I ever thought I could be, because impulsive behaviour would have stemmed from the anger which is no longer in me. But a long period of self-hate and self-pity is embedded in me and so I very quickly resulted to self-frustration.
You may feel like you have overcome some form of negative behaviour, but you have to be sure to purge yourself of this by replacing it with the opposite (eg. Replacing hate with love, pessimism with optimism) you cannot simply suppress or ignore it because otherwise one day someone will provoke you and what you tried so hard to subdue will once again become dominant in your character. Having a new mindset and improving yourself is all about making conscious decisions, simply writing these decisions down or saying them aloud is one of the most important steps.
Your actions and behaviour are the most genuine display of your character, a lot can be covered up by words, but how you react to situations says a lot about the type of person you are. Despite how disappointed I was that these recent events had ruined my ‘happy streak’ for this year so far, I’m so thankful for how much I learnt when I reflected back on the situation.
One thing I learnt not to do is waste time thinking about other people’s mistakes. You will not always be 100% to blame for what happens to you, in some cases you won’t be at fault at all; but people are stubborn and in some cases no amount of constructive criticism can help, so be selfish and focus on you.
Look at the outcome:
Who do I need to stay away from?
What could have been done better?
Who do I need to approach differently?
What went well?
Who doesn’t really have my best interests at heart?
The number of questions I asked myself is endless, but the main thing I did was focus on myself, because ultimately I’m on a mission to create a better me, not a better Person A and Person B.
Looking back, being frustrated at myself is somewhat poisonous. It’s important to love yourself more than anything else so that you can radiate this love to the people around you. Yes, it stopped me from stooping to the level of those that hurt me, but it also made me feel very disappointed in myself and even start to believe the lies that were being told about me, questioning my own character. In order for us to improve and develop as people, we must first love ourselves so that we can grow in love and encourage ourselves. You have to be your number one fan, you have to be confident and you have to believe in yourself to defend yourself when the need arises. That way no one could ever make you start to doubt yourself. You don’t have to be cocky or self-absorbed, but sometimes be #FeelingMyself
I hope you’re all enjoying your summer so far!