It pains me that this is a topic that even needs to be addressed. Unlike 99% of my posts, this one isn’t for me, it’s for you.
I’ll start off by saying this: I get it.
Our generation is full of husband hunters, Yoruba demons (a term I strongly disagree with), baby boys and the like; it almost seems like people are simply searching for reasons to have trust issues in their relationships and now the ‘Female Bestfriend’ has made it onto the list of potential relationship destroyers.
I’ve witnessed this for myself and amongst other people: the female friend has been around for ages, you were aware of her before your relationship and there were no issues, a couple of months or even years into your relationship and she still isn’t an issue; but then one day something goes wrong and suddenly this female friend turns into the homewrecker that was sent by your village witches to destroy your life. Abeg, my sister, relax.
Are you completely wrong in your thoughts and suspicions? Of course not. But you are definitely taking things too far. Might I add that this only applies to those of you that live by Black-Twitter-Logic and refuse to use the senses that God has so richly blessed you with.
Sometimes your insecurities are the issue, sometimes your significant other is the issue, sometimes another female you don’t even know about is the issue, the female bestfriend isn’t always the issue. The unknown can be worrying, scary or even intimidating, but have you ever taken the time to get to know her? She doesn’t need to become your sister, but you should get to know her the way you would get to know any of his friends.
I would be just as ignorant as the people I am placing at fault here if I argued that friendships couldn’t possibly lead to relationships. But don’t you have some male friends that you have no romantic feelings towards?
As people mature, have their own serious families and committed relationships, people will naturally drift apart. The ‘Female Bestfriend’ isn’t expecting her male bestfriend to jump out of his marital bed at 3 am simply because she needed something- that would be unreasonable. She isn’t stupid… (hopefully). She is a female… just like you…A true best friend, whether male or female, will know their place once their bestfriend gets into a relationship. This is a given. Stop painting us all the same shade of red.
I write this because I am a female bestfriend and my position has made my situation more difficult than any friendship should ever have to be. Your ignorance is insulting. Your judgements are outrageous at times and your concern is unwanted.
The problem in most cases isn’t actually the female bestfriend, but your inability to reject the stereotypes society has graced us with and grant people the respect they deserve by getting to know them prior to making any harsh or negative judgements. Believe it or not, she might not be the one at fault, it might be him.
So on behalf of all genuine female bestfriends: please leave us alone.