The Female Bestfriend 

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*deep sigh*

It pains me that this is a topic that even needs to be addressed. Unlike 99% of my posts, this one isn’t for me, it’s for you.

I’ll start off by saying this: I get it.

Our generation is full of husband hunters, Yoruba demons (a term I strongly disagree with), baby boys and the like; it almost seems like people are simply searching for reasons to have trust issues in their relationships and now the ‘Female Bestfriend’ has made it onto the list of potential relationship destroyers.

I’ve witnessed this for myself and amongst other people: the female friend has been around for ages, you were aware of her before your relationship and there were no issues, a couple of months or even years into your relationship and she still isn’t an issue; but then one day something goes wrong and suddenly this female friend turns into the homewrecker that was sent by your village witches to destroy your life. Abeg, my sister, relax.

Are you completely wrong in your thoughts and suspicions? Of course not. But you are definitely taking things too far. Might I add that this only applies to those of you that live by Black-Twitter-Logic and refuse to use the senses that God has so richly blessed you with.

Sometimes your insecurities are the issue, sometimes your significant other is the issue, sometimes another female you don’t even know about is the issue, the female bestfriend isn’t always the issue. The unknown can be worrying, scary or even intimidating, but have you ever taken the time to get to know her? She doesn’t need to become your sister, but you should get to know her the way you would get to know any of his friends.

I would be just as ignorant as the people I am placing at fault here if I argued that friendships couldn’t possibly lead to relationships. But don’t you have some male friends that you have no romantic feelings towards?

As people mature, have their own serious families and committed relationships, people will naturally drift apart. The ‘Female Bestfriend’ isn’t expecting her male bestfriend to jump out of his marital bed at 3 am simply because she needed something- that would be unreasonable. She isn’t stupid… (hopefully). She is a female… just like you…A true best friend, whether male or female, will know their place once their bestfriend gets into a relationship. This is a given. Stop painting us all the same shade of red.

I write this because I am a female bestfriend and my position has made my situation more difficult than any friendship should ever have to be. Your ignorance is insulting. Your judgements are outrageous at times and your concern is unwanted.

The problem in most cases isn’t actually the female bestfriend, but your inability to reject the stereotypes society has graced us with and grant people the respect they deserve by getting to know them prior to making any harsh or negative judgements. Believe it or not, she might not be the one at fault, it might be him.

So on behalf of all genuine female bestfriends: please leave us alone.

Many thanks,

Tisha x


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  1. April 28, 2017 / 2:34 pm

    Very interesting topic. I personally think the underlying issues are trust and respect. If you don’t trust the person you’re with or if they don’t respect you, it isn’t a relationship you need to be entertaining. Trust and respect are really non-negotiable and to me that’s what this whole female bestie stuff hinges on.
    FYI I disagree with the term Yoruba Demon too loool, it’s so silly. X

    • TishaKimiira
      April 28, 2017 / 2:36 pm

      10000% agree, trust and respect should be the foundations of any relationship, whether or not there is a female friend in the picture. People are very quick to push their insecurities and trust issues onto the next person. Thank you for reading!💙

  2. April 28, 2017 / 2:39 pm

    I agree with you. Very good topic! Trust and respect is the key!

  3. April 28, 2017 / 3:37 pm

    I definitely feel you as I’ve been the best friend as well however I know manyyy situations where that “best friend” is the go to in between (and in some cases, during) relationships. However I would make the case that if that is a thing, you would be able to tell before you even entered a relationship with that person. I find it hard to believe that you wouldn’t get some signs/feelings. I believe very much that all situations give off an energy.

    • TishaKimiira
      April 28, 2017 / 3:41 pm

      I agree, it’s something that should be discussed along with everything else at the start of a new relationship bc it can definitely lead to a lot of avoidable issues

  4. April 28, 2017 / 7:46 pm

    I believe trust is the biggest thing that will stop any animosity in a relationship. I also believe that if you are the female bestfriend and have only ever been friends with the man you will be friends with the woman who he is with. Not like y’all are besties, but the situation is always very comfortable just as if you were one of his boys.

    • TishaKimiira
      April 28, 2017 / 8:16 pm

      Agreed, but only if the girlfriend permits lol

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