Today, like any other day, I will be keeping it real. I was recently asked what I felt made me different to others, my answer was that I don’t settle. The thought disgusts me. But so many around me are settling and the numbers are so large that now we have #BareMinimumTwitter!
You’re settling for a guy/girl who has been waiting to “see where it goes” for the past year.
You’re settling for a job where your manager doesn’t value your work.
You’re settling for a group of ‘friends’ that will gas you in the comments under your latest Instagram photo but won’t call you to find out how you’ve been the last 3 months.
You’re settling because you don’t know your worth.
“Know your worth and add interest” a common phrase used primarily by women when discussing men. A valid point of course: you shouldn’t allow anyone to treat you with any less respect than you deserve. But this isn’t something that should be reserved for days when you want to tweet #MenAreTrash. This is something you should apply to your life every day. It’s also something you should believe deep down in your heart, not just words of encouragement after a tough break up.
So where else can you apply this?
- Non-romantic relationships
- Goals and future plans
- Expectations/perspective on life
- Mental & physical health
The first step to knowing your self-worth is knowing yourself. Obvious I know, but it’s crazy how much you don’t really know about your character: why you act a certain way, what you’re good at and especially how you interact with people. I try hard not to dwell on the past and to focus on the future instead, but as I said in my first post last year (A New Chapter), often times we have to revisit the old to prepare for the new. In this case, you need to know the past and current versions of yourself so that you know what to demand in your future relationships and endeavours.
Know Who You Are!
Keep a journal
Whether you choose to write down your feelings or your activities during the day: reflection is key! We actively live our lives making it difficult to take note of our decision making and thought processes during the moments that make up our day. Journaling gives you the necessary reflection time and allows you to be somewhat passive. It’s important to be careful not to be too negative or self-critical.
Do things alone
A fellow blogger Freda wrote a post a while back about taking yourself on dates, have a read here. Doing things alone can be a much faster way to learn about yourself because although you are present in the moment, you are more likely to reflect. You are more likely to have conversations in your own head about situations since there is no-one else around. Although I haven’t travelled alone, when travelling in pairs, I have noticed this in myself. Without having to take a step back to reflect and journal, I have been able to pick up on my behaviours and characteristics almost instantly. I definitely feel this would be accelerated by solo-trips/activities.
In my quest for self-development I find myself observing other people’s characters as well as my own; when I feel I have identified something interesting, I share that with them. Unfortunately, I’ve found that when I ask for the same in return I don’t usually get it. Maybe they’re scared, or maybe they just haven’t noticed anything. But there are a few brave souls that will happily tell me about myself when I ask or even sometimes without my asking. These are the moments I would say I have learnt some of the most important lessons. Your self-assessment will be limited; after all, you do certain things because you might think it is the norm. You need someone else to point out these other traits for you. Remember to be open-minded too!
Apply the knowledge!
It’s not going to be as easy as it sounds, but it’s certainly not impossible…
With regards to your academic journey, knowing your worth is a lot more than thinking you deserve good grades. For me, it was recognising that I needed help and that I deserved this help in order to obtain these good grades. I’ve found myself reminding myself and my peers very often, that I am paying for my degree. It’s not free and it definitely isn’t cheap. So if I need to pester someone to get information that I am entitled to, I will ensure that I pester them until I get it, because I’m worth it!
I’m still studying as many of you already know, so career-wise, knowing my worth isn’t my biggest focus. But many of my friends have graduated or are close to graduation and I often hear them say they are willing to settle for the sake of surviving. Times are tough, I get it, take what you can get when you need it the most – but never settle for life. Although we have argued the importance of degrees before, we can all agree that they aren’t worthless and your dreams are definitely worth being pursued. There is no reason, especially at such a young age, why you should give into your struggles and forget how much you invested into your self-worth!
The same can be said for romantic and non-romantic relationships: give respect and be sure to receive it. If this hasn’t been the case, cut it. No one should be worth more to you than yourself; don’t shy away from being perceived as a bitch, or, worse still, tolerate people in fear of being lonely. The right people will come into your life at the right time. When you know your worth, they’ll know it too, if they’re worth your time, they’ll respect it.
I have a post that details this even further coming very soon, I could give you some very general tips but I’d much rather share my personal story so make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss out!
Hopefully, as you discover more and understand your self-worth, you begin to set more ambitious goals. Setting the goals is the first step, next you’ll have to make plans towards them. Finally, I’ll need you to promise yourself that you’ll execute! Chances are, your schedule will become a bit fuller. You’ll find yourself being more selective with who and what you spend your time on.
You won’t entertain that guy that has been pestering you for weeks just because you were bored- we’ve all done it, just learn from it.
You probably won’t spend 10 years of your life doing a job you hate when you know deep down what your passion and purpose is.
One-sided friendships will soon become memories because instead of giving to someone with unequal returns, you’ll invest that energy into yourself.
Or at least I hope so.
I hope this post has been encouraging! I’ve learnt that there is no point in self-discovery if you don’t apply this new knowledge. As always, I would love to continue the discussion with you all, so please leave me a comment below!
Know your self-worth, and add interest!
All the best,