Self-Care is Harming You

Yes, I said it and I’ll say it again. Self-care is harming you.

self care is harming you behind the schmile

What is Self-Care?

First of all, we need to define this thing that I am claiming does damage to you.

According to the self-care forum,

“self care is about identifying your own needs and taking steps to meet them”

This probably doesn’t sound like a bad thing and that’s because it isn’t. But as someone who only became accustomed to the term about a year ago, I have to admit that this isn’t what I was initially made to believe.

Self-care seems to be the new big thing. As bloggers and influencers continue to exploit mental health issues for hits (yeah I said this too, don’t @ me), the definitionย of self-care becomes unclear and in some cases misleading. Just like with Cultural Appropriation, once social media grabs a hold of something ‘new’, it twists and turns it until nobody understands it anymore so that ‘fake deep’ Twitter can have their supposedly intellectually stimulating arguments. But I’ve clarified the true meaning for you, so what’s the problem?

self care is harming you mental health awareness behind the schmile tisha talks

Self-Care is Harming You

The problem is that ignorance when coupled with confusion leads to stupidity. I’ve noticed that there are a lazy few that are using self-care as an excuse to avoid challenges and ultimately progression. The lazy few I noticed this amongst was myself. Yes, me, Tisha: I am the ignorant and confused person that is stunting my own growth based on the definition I chose for self-care.

To make life easier for myself, here is how I defined self-care:

“recognising what takes you out of your ‘happy place’ and avoiding it at all costs”

If watching the news would make me angry, I didn’t watch it.

If talking to or about a certain person brought up unwanted feelings, I ended the conversation.

If the company of certain people made me comfortable, I stayed in isolation.

These all seem like fairly reasonable things to do right? But when self-care meant refusing to step out of my comfort zone, my self-care was harming me.

There have been several serious life decisions I have had to make that I haven’t even bothered thinking about because of my misconstrued understanding of self-care. Great opportunities have passed by due to fear because the challenge made me uncomfortable and so self-care said no. I was using self-care as an excuse for my laziness.

me running away from my problems responsibilities self care is harming you behind the schmile mental health tisha talks

Self-care doesn’t mean Stagnation

Based on my definition, anything that made me slightly nervous was unnecessary. I believed that anything that would cause me stress or sleepless nights wasn’t worth the wahala*. But this isn’t true! A friend of mine introduced me to a quote (as she often does) many years ago:

“Life begins outside of your comfort zone”

*Wahala: Nigerian pidgin for difficulty

I’ve mentioned a few times before that my placement year served as a good rest for me: an opportunity to be stress-free. But there were also many times during this period that I felt too comfortable and as though I wasn’t developing. You don’t need to be stressed 100% of the time in order to grow- this isn’t what I’m suggesting. True self-care is definitely important and making time for yourself and your needs is what this means. But when we’re too comfortable, too emotionally stable and sometimes too happy, we find that we aren’t growing, we aren’t pushed and we aren’t reallyย living. To me, living is a process where you strive for the best. This will automatically incur seasons of struggle to prepare you for better things!

A reader once reminded me that emotional stability means ups and downs. We need the downs in order to have the ups; otherwise, it’s a straight line: it’s stagnant.

life begins at the end of your comfort zone behind the schmile self care is harming you mental health growth lifestyle tisha talks

Self-care means Strength

My self-development journey was once referred to as a quest for happiness. But four years on this is no longer the case. I don’t just want to be a happy person. I want to be a successful person. In order to do this, I need to learn and accept that sometimes life will be hard on me and sometimes this struggle will last a very long period. But it will make me tough, it will make me strong and it will push me out of my comfort zone and force me to grow. I can’t pass up on such opportunities for the sake of self-care. If anything, self-care is encouraging this: progression is my need and I need to step out to meet it!

So this post is for anyone, who like myself, was hiding behind the definition that made life easier.

Be bold, take on life’s challenges and learn how to manage stress when it comes because avoiding it completely won’t help to make you any more successful!

Don’t overdose on your self-care!

“Cole (coal) under pressure, what that make? Diamonds” – J Cole, Return of Simba

All the best,

Tisha x

#Schmile

  80 comments for “Self-Care is Harming You

  1. November 26, 2017 at 1:40 am

    I agree with you about being in a comfort zone . I don’t think you should ever run from your problems well really you can;t they tend to follow you no matter how far you try to run . I define self care as doing what is right for you , facing shit head on . I think we all have moments of denial and want to take the easy way out but as you said in the long run that will get you nowhere .

    • TishaKimiira
      November 26, 2017 at 1:42 pm

      “Facing shit head on” is the part I ignored! Thank you so much for reading- I’m so glad you agree!!!

  2. November 26, 2017 at 10:35 am

    I was waiting for this post and you did not let me down. You delivered. You laid down points in this post, no lie. Turned the ‘self care’ thing inside out and Nailed it! Tisha!! Well done. No Wahala. Haha, you even explained what it meant! Mad.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 26, 2017 at 1:43 pm

      Haha thank you so much!!!!! Glad I met your expectations! I really appreciate your support!!!

  3. Vox
    November 26, 2017 at 11:40 am

    Avoiding things that might be difficult, but that strengthens you is harmful; you are right. As with anything, we need to take into account our goals. If discomfort helps us achieve big goals, then we must be ready to stretch ourselves. Thanks for sharing what will probably be a very controversial post.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 26, 2017 at 1:44 pm

      Thank you so much for reading! I love that you agree! We can’t avoid things for the sake of feeling good or any other twisted definition of self care! Appreciate the continued support ๐Ÿ™‚ x

  4. November 26, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    Stepping out of the comfort zone is a wonderful opportunity to come outside ourselves. Thank you for the reminder!

    • TishaKimiira
      November 26, 2017 at 1:45 pm

      Thank you for reading! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. November 26, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    A lot of self affirmations in this post I love that I loved where youโ€™ve said โ€œ I want to become a successful personโ€ your speaking this into existence with the can do sprit you have already this already happening for you x

    • TishaKimiira
      November 26, 2017 at 1:45 pm

      AMEN! Speaking things into existence and putting in the work will get us all far! Thank you for reading beautiful! ๐Ÿ™‚ x

  6. November 26, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    Yea yea!…….comfort zone really is never a place to boost of!
    Why?
    It never gives room for growth,Expansion or to know more.
    But stretching yourself even when its not comfortable, even though painsare involved, brings great rewards.
    Thanks Tsha.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 26, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      So glad you could relate! Thank you so much for reading ๐Ÿ’™

  7. Ellee Davis
    November 26, 2017 at 3:10 pm

    I thought this was a very interesting read and I agree with you. With all the opinions and memes and โ€œself care is this and self care is thatโ€ quotes out there; it is very easy to get lost in the quest to find yourself. Iโ€™ve come across a bunch of different sites and thoughts where it concerns self care/help and most of it sounds like itโ€™s coming from the mouth or heart of a bitter person and thatโ€™s the total opposite of what self care is. In the end, my idea of self care stems from my own thoughts and experiences.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 26, 2017 at 3:35 pm

      Thank you so much for this! I totally agree- we have to take everything we see/hear/read with a pinch of salt and focus on what works best for us! That goes for everything I write about too! Thank you so much for reading ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™

  8. November 26, 2017 at 5:17 pm

    When I started article, I almost got offended…. but I read on. I totally understood where you were coming from. Self care … not to hide behind but to grow and become strong. Thanks for shedding a different light on self care.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 26, 2017 at 6:17 pm

      Haha I’m glad you read on!!! Thank you for reading and understanding ๐Ÿ™‚ x

  9. November 26, 2017 at 7:41 pm

    Wow, I never thought of self care from this angle. This was a very insightful read and I’m glad you made a post about this! I see so many cliche ideas of self care on twitter like taking baths with bath bombs and doing face masks, but self care is so much more than that. Thank you for giving me another perspective on this topic and reminding me not to use self care as an excuse for laziness. Great read!!

    • TishaKimiira
      November 26, 2017 at 8:38 pm

      I’m so glad you agree- I really appreciate you saying this! Taking a bubble bath is a temporary fix if even that! We need to learn to stop cosying over issues and face them head-on in order to actually take care of ourselves mentally! Glad you enjoyed the post! Thank you so much for reading!

  10. November 26, 2017 at 9:08 pm

    Excellent post! I really enjoyed it and was nodding my head in agreement. Thanks for having the balls to write it! Iโ€™m sure many think it but not necessarily know how to hit the nail on the head. Thanks x

    • TishaKimiira
      November 26, 2017 at 9:42 pm

      I really appreciate this! Thank you so much for reading and Iโ€™m glad you agree!๐Ÿ’™

  11. November 26, 2017 at 11:56 pm

    Nice ! Inspiratinal thoughts you have good post !

  12. November 27, 2017 at 1:03 am

    This was a good read. Self-care has so many different parts. It actually started amongst therapist and other mental health workers to remind us to step away from our work to avoid bringing the issues of our clients into our personal lives and โ€œtaking it homeโ€ with us.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 27, 2017 at 1:29 am

      Thank you for shedding some light- I had no idea but this makes so much sense! Definitely not the message social media has been spreading..,
      Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ’™

  13. November 27, 2017 at 3:47 am

    I loved this post. Stagnation never occurred to me as something that could be a consequence of self-care. I absolutely believe life is about stepping out of your comfort zone and progressing. Thanks for sharing this point of view!

    • TishaKimiira
      November 27, 2017 at 9:08 am

      So glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading๐Ÿ’™

  14. Mane
    November 27, 2017 at 7:24 am

    This is true! Thank you for sharing this

  15. November 27, 2017 at 9:00 am

    We never know, what is on the other side until we cross, and go there! Sometimes getting out of your comfort zone, can be the way to your breakthrough. Thanks for sharing such an inspiring post.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 27, 2017 at 9:08 am

      Thank you so much for your feedback John! Glad you enjoyed it!๐Ÿ˜Š

  16. November 27, 2017 at 10:40 am

    This is a very refreshing article! Having two children with Diagnoses I have had to repeatedly go out of my comfort zone to get there needs met. It was to much to my soon to be ex and that is one of the reasons why he divorced me after 10 years. He thinks things will fix on there own or it seems to be always someone else’s fault (usually mine)
    But I didn’t crumble and die. I bought a house for the first time by myself. Transferred my job to be in the same school as the kids so juggle the endless therapy appointments and we are healing after finding out through therapy he was emotionally abusing my kids. And I am following the no contact rule since finding out he is a narc. We are doing great!

    • TishaKimiira
      November 27, 2017 at 12:34 pm

      So glad to hear that everything worked out for you!!! This is truly an inspiring story and I thank you for sharing! Sometimes when life gets tough we have no choice but to step out of our comfort zone! Thank you so much for reading and all the best to you!๐Ÿ’™

  17. November 27, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    I have never thought of self care like this especially stagnation being a result of self care. Thank you for the reminder that “life begins outside of your comfort zone”

    • TishaKimiira
      November 27, 2017 at 8:31 pm

      Thank you for reading!๐Ÿ’™

  18. November 27, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    Good post. What you were originally practicising, in my opinion, was avoidance and not self-care at all. Self-care is about improving your life on a healthy level in all aspects. Eating healthy foods, resting, helping others, taking part in activities you like and “managing difficult situations” so that you learn from these experiences. Avoidance is harmful. We now live in an age where we are all so sensitive, we no longer talk things through rationally and respectfully with people who have differing opinions. Instead of cutting people out of your life who annoy you or disagree with you, talk to them and learn each other’s point of view. That right there is “strength of character”.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 27, 2017 at 9:57 pm

      I completely agree- avoidance is definitely what I was doing and labelling as self care. You made some valid points here about communication, my last post was on confrontation and echoes what youโ€™ve said here. Thank you so much for reading- I really appreciate it!๐Ÿ’™

  19. November 27, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    A great point of distinction, my dear. Wonderful points to look out for when one becomes avoidant and using this term to skirt the elephant(s) in the room. Self honesty is the 1st step to self care, both are a daily practice. <3

    • TishaKimiira
      November 27, 2017 at 11:33 pm

      I appreciate your support and feedback! Thank you so much for reading ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™

  20. Crystal Nicole
    November 27, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    Self-care means doing the things that you need to do for you. It isn’t one size fits all, and that’s the beauty of it. Self-care and self-love means doing the things we don’t necessarily want to do but need to do in order to be the best person we can be. Sometimes that’s doing nothing, and other times it’s tackling the dirty stuff. The important thing to remember, I think, is to be kind to yourself and do what works for you.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 27, 2017 at 11:35 pm

      Thank you for this! I definitely agree thatโ€™s important to remember that self-care has to be tailored for self! Thank you so much for reading ๐Ÿ’™

  21. November 28, 2017 at 1:18 am

    You shared some lovely thoughts about escaping your comfort zone. It’s true that ignoring our problems do not make them go away. You are strong and even stronger for recognizing how your actions affected you in the long run! Keep spreading the wisdom. <3

    • TishaKimiira
      November 28, 2017 at 1:33 am

      Thank you so much for your kind words- I’m grateful for your support!!! And of course, thank you for reading, I’m glad you could take something from it ๐Ÿ™‚ x

  22. Jen
    November 28, 2017 at 2:02 am

    Yes! I think that we should always continue to push and grow and move forward! And self care, as in looking after ourselves, can provide us with the extra energy to fuel our drive and passion. Thanks for this post!

    • TishaKimiira
      November 28, 2017 at 9:21 am

      Thank you so much for reading!๐Ÿ’™

  23. November 28, 2017 at 3:19 am

    interesting reading, at the beginning I was curious about what could be the point of it, but you are totally right, I think is a human condition to look for comfort and stay away what make us grown. Thank you for share this point of view!

    • TishaKimiira
      November 28, 2017 at 9:22 am

      Glad it all became clear! Thanks so much for reading ๐Ÿ’™

  24. EG III
    November 28, 2017 at 4:17 am

    Staying in your comfort zone can stunt your growth.Sometimes stepping outside of your comfort zone can put you on the path to great things.One of hardest things we have to do on the road to self care is to be honest with our self. Until you can be honest with yourself you will never be able to begin the process of self care.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 28, 2017 at 9:23 am

      Extremely valid point, I hadnโ€™t thought about it like this! Really appreciate you sharing your opinion on the topic!๐Ÿ˜Š

  25. November 28, 2017 at 2:09 pm

    Wow, I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for this! I was using self-care just like as an excuse thinking it was better to avoid people than going out knowing that it would help me grow as a person. Time to do a reevaluation and make sure my self-care is actually self-care.

    xoxo

    • TishaKimiira
      November 28, 2017 at 2:30 pm

      Iโ€™m so glad it was helpful and pleased I wasnโ€™t the only one that was confused into thinking self care meant avoidance! Thank you for reading luvie ๐Ÿ’™

  26. November 28, 2017 at 2:12 pm

    You couldn’t have said it any better. Today’s society people are hiding and running away from challenges in life in the name of self care. I included lol. Time to get out of my comfort zone.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 28, 2017 at 2:30 pm

      Itโ€™s definitely time! For all of us! No more excuses! Thank you so much for reading ๐Ÿ’™

  27. November 28, 2017 at 8:51 pm

    We should always face out issues head on. Letting everything build up is the internal killer. We don’t want to get mad about the news so we say nothing. Face that mofo head on! We don’t want to hear criticism so we tune it out. We can’t fix what we don’t face.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 28, 2017 at 9:15 pm

      โ€œWe canโ€™t fix what we donโ€™t faceโ€ love this and I totally agree! Thank you so much for reading!๐Ÿ˜Š

  28. November 28, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    I believe we should always self-care than caring for others but that is just my opinion. If you don’t take care of yourself first then you won’t be able to care for others.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 28, 2017 at 9:29 pm

      I completely agree! Thank you for reading x

  29. November 29, 2017 at 1:06 am

    I learned the hard way that we never grow when we are comfortable. I love this feature, its so inspiring!

    • TishaKimiira
      November 29, 2017 at 10:17 am

      Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ˜˜

  30. November 29, 2017 at 2:26 am

    I agree with you on so many points. I agree that social media will take the smallest easiest thing to understand and tangle it into a ball of doubt and confusion infused with everyone way off definition. I also agree the people often avoid or run from things that make them “unhappy” or “uncomfortable” instead if dealing with it. I have this saying… never tried, never failed… You just don’t know until you do.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 29, 2017 at 10:18 am

      I like that saying! Iโ€™ve said something similar to myself a lot in the past as a โ€˜copingโ€™ mechanism for the guilt that comes with me avoiding opportunities. Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ’™

  31. November 29, 2017 at 3:36 am

    #ALLOFTHIS self care can lead to self destruction if you use it as an excuse instead of self reflection for making yourself better elevating your life. You did a great job highlighting this.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 29, 2017 at 10:19 am

      Thank you so much!!! Glad you can relate ๐Ÿ’™

  32. November 29, 2017 at 9:11 am

    Yessss totally agree! I’m definitely working on managing stress and challenges in my life right now, because I know I’ll see a lot of progress and pay off from it.

    • November 29, 2017 at 9:54 pm

      Glad you enjoyed the post! Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ’™

  33. November 29, 2017 at 1:09 pm

    I’ve had something similar to this on my mind for awhile. I don’t think I’ve been bold enough. Outspoken enough and challenged myself either recently.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 29, 2017 at 3:29 pm

      So glad you agree! Thanks for reading๐Ÿ’™

  34. Komal
    November 29, 2017 at 7:03 pm

    What an interesting post. Self care is a slippery slope between self pithy and making a positive difference in your life.

  35. November 29, 2017 at 7:05 pm

    I have also noticed people taking the practice of self-care away from its intended purpose and misusing it. I couldn’t agree with you more.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 30, 2017 at 1:01 pm

      Thank you for reading! ๐Ÿ™‚

  36. November 29, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    This is such a different and unique way of seeing self-care. I definitely need to manage my life.

    • TishaKimiira
      November 29, 2017 at 9:51 pm

      Thank you for reading ๐Ÿ’™

  37. November 29, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    Amen amen and amen. People are obsessed with self care because it’s an influx of motivating posts about it not that they actually love themselves. That’s what I think self care is. About love. When you love something you care for it and take care of it. Your kids, your car, your home, we take time to maintenance these things. Why not your soul?

    • TishaKimiira
      November 29, 2017 at 9:52 pm

      Yes!!!! Here for this definition ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝthank you so muchbfor reading ๐Ÿ’™

  38. December 1, 2017 at 2:52 am

    I wrote a post on self-care not to long ago. Youโ€™re right, itโ€™s definitely a favorite topic of bloggers ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜ƒ

    • TishaKimiira
      December 1, 2017 at 9:00 am

      ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚I trust you not to have manipulated itโ€™s meaning! Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ’™

  39. femi1218
    December 1, 2017 at 5:37 am

    True selfcare would require you to grow and evolve, no?

    • TishaKimiira
      December 1, 2017 at 9:01 am

      Of course, just not the way I was going about it ๐Ÿ˜Š

  40. December 6, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    It’s so true! A lot of people have a seriously warped view of “self care.” They think if they tell everyone all the “self care” stuff they do it will magically fix them.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 6, 2017 at 7:46 pm

      Glad you agree! Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ’™

  41. December 10, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    So avoiding my workouts because they make me breathe heavy and sweat is not actually practicing self-care? You have foiled my logic for laziness and I thank you for that. But seriously, I think that some people took the valid advice to give yourself a safe space from the world so you can prepare yourself to face it and turned it into hiding in a bubble to protect yourself from that which makes you uncomfortable. That is no more healthy than constantly being bombarded by people, ideas, and things that challenge the core of who you are. There is a balance that needs to be had. I can’t interact with the reality of the world if I’m not taking care of myself, but I do myself no good if I never engage with the reality of the world.

    Found you from Dafrastar’s blog and I am very glad that I did.

    • TishaKimiira
      December 10, 2017 at 5:19 pm

      ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚unfortunately it is not self care although I wish it was!!! I completely agree with you, we all need balance and canโ€™t keep creating excuses and justifying our laziness.
      Iโ€™m so happy youโ€™ve enjoyed what youโ€™ve read so far! Thank you so much for stopping by!๐Ÿ’™

Share your thoughts!

%d bloggers like this: