In life you will come across people you don’t get along with, that is guaranteed. But sometimes you are forced into situations where you can’t avoid them and you have to figure things out. Right?
I’ve been on my self-development journey for over 2 years now, by this I mean I have been actively reflecting on my behaviour and thoughts and making a conscious decision to improve as a person, as opposed to just getting through life and hoping I become a better person along the way. This journey has taught me so much about myself that there are times that I feel some changes are so subtle that only those closest to me will notice the differences; whereas there are others I feel everyone, maybe even some of the readers of BehindtheSchmile..:) will pick up on.
One of these things is holding grudges. When I finally learnt how to forgive and received my Release, I had also managed to convince myself that forgiving one particular person would also wipe out my hatred for others.
As I said earlier, there will always be people in life you don’t get along with, maybe they hurt you once or even multiple times, maybe you just never managed to settle your differences or maybe you don’t even know the root cause of the tension. I found myself in the second category with a particular person. For years I couldn’t wait to get away from them and once I finally did, I was fooled into thinking it was all gravy.
Often times we distance ourselves from certain individuals and fool ourselves into thinking we have forgiven them. That is until we bump into them again and old feelings start to arise. I call it fake forgiveness because it helps us sleep better at night and makes us feel happier. But when put to the test it shows our true colours.
“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” -Ephesians 4:32-32
What is Fake Forgiveness?
Fake Forgiveness comes in many forms but there are two fundamental requirements for fake forgiveness.
Both are not always needed together
1: Is someone who refuses to move on.
They claim they have forgiven you but you do one thing wrong and they bring up EVERYTHING you ever did! No-one is saying to forget, that would be foolish. But if you have forgiven someone, you have chosen to love them despite their flaws, if bringing up their past mistakes cannot add to the solution needed in the present: it is irrelevant. This is a sign that they have not truly forgiven.
2: Is someone who can’t stand your presence.
There are many that claim to have moved on but only because they have moved away! They can be the sweetest person over the phone, on social media, through other people etc, but once you’re in the same room, feelings they may have thought had subsided begin to rise up again. This is where I found myself.
Deal with it!
As I learn more and more about forgiveness I’m realising how many different things we go through in life and just brush off, seeds that have been planted in us that we fail to uproot, some that even begin to grow weeds that we continue to neglect.
I know that for us ladies especially, we have a tendency to dislike a girl we don’t even know. I call it a ‘bad vibe’ and it’s usually never wrong. We don’t necessarily need a reason, just a feeling and in my opinion, it’s okay to not be close friends with someone and to keep as much distance as possible, but it’s never okay to have unsettling feelings within yourself that you cannot resolve. You can’t always resolve issues with people, sometimes trying to will lead to bigger problems. But if you want to rid your heart of ill feelings, forgiveness is the way. Let God remove that dislike for you and if that person is no good, let Him keep them away too.
Don’t be fooled into believing you only need to forgive an ex-boyfriend who cheated on you or an absent mother. Learn to forgive anyone and anything that unsettles your spirit and causes you to lean further away from the presence of God. As I have said before, forgiveness is for you: for your well-being and your relationship with God!
“But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.”-Colossians 3:14
I am not perfect- I struggle too!
I have been blogging for years, it has always been for me and I say that all the time. But as it grows it attracts attention from people who don’t necessarily have my best interests at heart. People who have managed to conclude that I feel that I know better and are better than them. It comes as no surprise to me. People will always have something negative to say. It doesn’t phase me because ultimately, my posts are for me, I share them because I feel there might be at least one person that needs to be reminded of something or aware that they aren’t alone in their struggle; but I don’t write to please people and so if I don’t please people, nothing changes.
With that being said, I think it’s important to show people that just like everyone else: I have my faults. My self-development journey is not one of perfection, instead, this is what I am striving for; not because I feel I can ever be perfect, but because I want to get as close as possible.
“Most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it”
I hope that you learnt something from this if not, I hope you enjoyed me sharing my story.