Fake Forgiveness: The Behaviour of Hypocrites 

Reading Time: 4 minutes

In life you will come across people you don’t get along with, that is guaranteed. But sometimes you are forced into situations where you can’t avoid them and you have to figure things out. Right?

I’ve been on my self-development journey for over 2 years now, by this I mean I have been actively reflecting on my behaviour and thoughts and making a conscious decision to improve as a person, as opposed to just getting through life and hoping I become a better person along the way. This journey has taught me so much about myself that there are times that I feel some changes are so subtle that only those closest to me will notice the differences; whereas there are others I feel everyone, maybe even some of the readers of BehindtheSchmile..:) will pick up on.

One of these things is holding grudges. When I finally learnt how to forgive and received my Release, I had also managed to convince myself that forgiving one particular person would also wipe out my hatred for others.

fake forgiveness Christianity behind the schmile hypocrite faith phaedra parks real housewives of atlanta thank you jesus meme

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As I said earlier, there will always be people in life you don’t get along with, maybe they hurt you once or even multiple times, maybe you just never managed to settle your differences or maybe you don’t even know the root cause of the tension. I found myself in the second category with a particular person. For years I couldn’t wait to get away from them and once I finally did, I was fooled into thinking it was all gravy.

Often times we distance ourselves from certain individuals and fool ourselves into thinking we have forgiven them. That is until we bump into them again and old feelings start to arise. I call it fake forgiveness because it helps us sleep better at night and makes us feel happier. But when put to the test it shows our true colours.

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” -‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:32‬-32

What is Fake Forgiveness?

Fake Forgiveness comes in many forms but there are two fundamental requirements for fake forgiveness.

Both are not always needed together

1: Is someone who refuses to move on.

They claim they have forgiven you but you do one thing wrong and they bring up EVERYTHING you ever did! No-one is saying to forget, that would be foolish. But if you have forgiven someone, you have chosen to love them despite their flaws, if bringing up their past mistakes cannot add to the solution needed in the present: it is irrelevant. This is a sign that they have not truly forgiven.

2: Is someone who can’t stand your presence.

There are many that claim to have moved on but only because they have moved away! They can be the sweetest person over the phone, on social media, through other people etc, but once you’re in the same room, feelings they may have thought had subsided begin to rise up again. This is where I found myself.

Deal with it!

As I learn more and more about forgiveness I’m realising how many different things we go through in life and just brush off, seeds that have been planted in us that we fail to uproot, some that even begin to grow weeds that we continue to neglect.

I know that for us ladies especially, we have a tendency to dislike a girl we don’t even know. I call it a ‘bad vibe’ and it’s usually never wrong. We don’t necessarily need a reason, just a feeling and in my opinion, it’s okay to not be close friends with someone and to keep as much distance as possible, but it’s never okay to have unsettling feelings within yourself that you cannot resolve. You can’t always resolve issues with people, sometimes trying to will lead to bigger problems. But if you want to rid your heart of ill feelings, forgiveness is the way. Let God remove that dislike for you and if that person is no good, let Him keep them away too.

Don’t be fooled into believing you only need to forgive an ex-boyfriend who cheated on you or an absent mother. Learn to forgive anyone and anything that unsettles your spirit and causes you to lean further away from the presence of God. As I have said before, forgiveness is for you: for your well-being and your relationship with God!

fake forgiveness Christianity behind the schmile hypocrite faith

“But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.”-‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:14‬‬

I am not perfect- I struggle too!

I have been blogging for years, it has always been for me and I say that all the time. But as it grows it attracts attention from people who don’t necessarily have my best interests at heart. People who have managed to conclude that I feel that I know better and are better than them. It comes as no surprise to me. People will always have something negative to say. It doesn’t phase me because ultimately, my posts are for me, I share them because I feel there might be at least one person that needs to be reminded of something or aware that they aren’t alone in their struggle; but I don’t write to please people and so if I don’t please people, nothing changes.

With that being said, I think it’s important to show people that just like everyone else: I have my faults. My self-development journey is not one of perfection, instead, this is what I am striving for; not because I feel I can ever be perfect, but because I want to get as close as possible.

“Most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it”

I hope that you learnt something from this if not, I hope you enjoyed me sharing my story.

Tisha x


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  1. Key Folami
    July 16, 2017 / 6:35 pm

    I struggle with forgiving people. This is bookmarked in my browser as a reminder. Holding grudges bitters your spirit & delays growth.

    • TishaKimiira
      July 16, 2017 / 7:05 pm

      Hope it helped! Thank you for reading 💙God bless luvie

  2. July 16, 2017 / 6:44 pm

    I have my share of struggles but I am very quick to forgive which is great but I never move on . Trying to grow from that
    Great post btw

    • TishaKimiira
      July 16, 2017 / 7:15 pm

      I completely understand! I recently learnt how to forgive but didn’t learn how to move on. Definitely a journey. Glad you enjoyed it 💙

      • July 16, 2017 / 7:19 pm

        Thanks for the post
        It sure is a journey

  3. July 16, 2017 / 7:58 pm

    Wholeheartedly agree. Forgiveness is for YOU. If it ever becomes about someone else, its just no longer genuine. And it would be an unnecessary process to put yourself through if you aren’t doing it for your own benefit.

    • TishaKimiira
      July 16, 2017 / 8:01 pm

      Glad you can relate! Thank you for reading 💙

  4. July 16, 2017 / 8:45 pm

    This was such a great read! Its hard to forgive people when they don’t even apologize. I’ve been struggling with burying resentment instead of dealing with it and letting go!

    • TishaKimiira
      July 16, 2017 / 8:47 pm

      It’s the hardest, but once you do, no one will be able to take that from you! Thank you for reading 💙

  5. helen
    July 16, 2017 / 8:48 pm

    forgiveness is important,good post.

    • TishaKimiira
      July 16, 2017 / 8:49 pm

      Thank you so much!💙

  6. July 16, 2017 / 9:07 pm

    Very insightful post, as usual! This is something I need to work on both with others and myself.

    • TishaKimiira
      July 16, 2017 / 9:10 pm

      Glad you could take something from it luvie! Thank you for reading 💙

  7. July 17, 2017 / 10:51 pm

    OOOOOMG! I soo needed to read this. I’m an offender too – I’m facing this right now and it’s with people I can’t avoid AND they keep hurting. So I’m practising forgiveness 70×7 times and learning to LOVE regardless. It’s hard though when they keep provoking you so they can feel better for themselves but guess that’s life… Well written post. I could read this anytime. Great job!

    • TishaKimiira
      July 18, 2017 / 6:46 am

      Thank you so much!!! Wishing you all the best- it isn’t easy at all!💙

  8. July 18, 2017 / 6:16 pm

    I am also guilty with number 2. I tend to just shutdown my true feelings and say it’s fine just too avoid more dramas and conflicts. But my relationship with that person is already stained and I can’t help myself to feel ill whenever I am with her/him.

    thank you for the advice 🙂

    • TishaKimiira
      July 18, 2017 / 6:29 pm

      You’re very welcome! I hope it’s helpful, wishing you all the best, it’s never a good place to be in but I trust that you’ll make things work for your own sake!💙

  9. July 18, 2017 / 6:40 pm

    How timely this post was for me. God is good. Thanks for sharing!

    • TishaKimiira
      July 18, 2017 / 6:50 pm

      Glad to hear it! Thank you for reading 💙

  10. July 18, 2017 / 7:38 pm

    This post really spoke to me cause I feel I been on the other end of fake forgiveness. We would talk it out and then nothing would come of it so I felt we never really made any progesss

    • TishaKimiira
      July 18, 2017 / 7:42 pm

      yeah, sometimes people aren’t ready to discuss things properly, but don’t give up!

      • July 20, 2017 / 1:33 am

        thank you

  11. July 19, 2017 / 12:18 am

    I just wrote another post on forgiveness today – my teen is much better at forgiving than I am (I’m hoping I can learn from her)…Love this post

    • TishaKimiira
      July 19, 2017 / 6:52 am

      Thank you so much for reading! Glad you liked it 💙

  12. July 22, 2017 / 1:24 pm

    Great Read! ” I struggle too” AMEN

    • TishaKimiira
      July 22, 2017 / 1:37 pm

      Thank you so much for reading!💙

  13. Hadassah
    July 22, 2017 / 4:26 pm

    I had to forgive a lot of people even if it’s hard! Thanks for the post

    • TishaKimiira
      July 22, 2017 / 4:29 pm

      Thank you for reading!💙

  14. July 22, 2017 / 5:16 pm

    Hard topic to read. I must honest say that i try to stay away if people would influence my positive life. it is not every day sunshine but on the other hand you don’t need to worry to much when cloud come, the next sun comes soon

    • TishaKimiira
      July 22, 2017 / 5:23 pm

      Very true! But important to deal with issues, not just avoid them. Thanks for reading 😊

  15. Myisha
    July 22, 2017 / 8:14 pm

    Great read. I can hold a grudge like no other. I know it’s not healthy and I need to work on it.

    • TishaKimiira
      July 22, 2017 / 8:24 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it! Wishing you the best 💙

  16. Casey Washington
    July 23, 2017 / 2:05 am

    Forgiveness of self and others is difficult. It’s a priority if one needs to heal.

    • TishaKimiira
      July 23, 2017 / 1:39 pm

      Difficult indeed but not impossible! Thank you for reading 💙

  17. July 23, 2017 / 8:53 am

    Omg you dropped so many gems in this post. I could quote this blog for days. This caused me to reflect within myself as I struggle with grudges. I need to get rid of that blockage and make room for God and Love. Great article!! #Amen I def learned this: “Learn to forgive anyone and anything that unsettles your spirit and causes you to lean further away from the presence of God.” And that last quote is what I live by always dream big! That’s how you PRIMPLIFE!

    • TishaKimiira
      July 23, 2017 / 1:40 pm

      Thank you sooooo much! I’m glad you could take from it! Appreciate the kind words 💙

  18. July 29, 2017 / 11:41 pm

    This touched me…..it might be hard to forgive and forget at times…that’s why we need to always do a selfcheck and ask for God’s grace. Holding grudges and keeping malice draws one back, hinders success and most importantly, no freedom. I try as much as possible to avoid whatever will hinder my growth and success because I’ve been there and I know what it cost me and I promised myself never to hold a grudge nor keep malice with anyone. Thanks for treating this, God bless you as you bless us with words of wisdom xx

    • TishaKimiira
      July 30, 2017 / 7:55 am

      Thank you so much luvie! Most importantly unforgiveness can block our own blessings! We have to forgive for our own sake!

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