Doing It Alone

I’d like to avoid any confusion right away: you CANNOT do it alone.

The main problems you might have picked out here are trust issues and stubbornness- the combination is deadly.

Your trust issues might mean that you aren’t giving people enough chances, your stubbornness might mean that you aren’t giving any at all. To be completely honest with you, you don’t have to (maybe this is the stubborn me talking), I’m not asking you to let the world trample all over you- nah, don’t do it b! But what you do need to do is learn how much to let out and who to let it out to.

That ‘friend’ that always listens to your issues but never has anything productive to say is not the one.

That ‘friend’ that is always telling you other people’s business is not the one.

That ‘friend’ that has a tendency to throw things back in your face is not the one.

But the ‘friend’ that you probably don’t even talk to that often but you know might have dealt with some of these issues or is just good at giving advice might be the one. They don’t necessarily need to care about you, they don’t even need to care about your problems, all they really need is to be a good problem solver, and preferably someone who loves the sound of their own voice and will stop you from blabbing on and saying that little bit too much. Most importantly: you do not have to trust them! This is the person that you tell the main issues, only the skeleton of the story; they don’t need the background, they just need to know enough to suggest something, and even if they don’t suggest something that works, trust me when I say you’ll feel better.

You may have come across people that get upset because you don’t open up to them, but I believe that my thoughts and my feelings are somewhat sacred: if you haven’t been constructive with the little I have opened up to you with, what business do I have telling you my life story? It’s very easy to fall into the trap of laying down our burdens to such people, but ask your stubborn-non-trusting self a quick question before you lay down your personal battles: have I ever benefited from talking to this person before? Has anyone else? Or am I just providing them with the next gossip story?

Everyone suffers silently, we all know it shouldn’t be this way but we’re too busy dealing with our own issues, and this is the problem! You CANNOT do life alone. You need to master the skill of revealing only what is necessary and saving yourself from a cycle of loneliness and depression.

It is very easy to feel like you are alone, trust me I feel it; feeling like the only people you can really talk to are family who care so much about you that your news or problems would leave them devastated and so you keep quiet. Staying pim concerning your own issues will never get you anywhere.

One thing you definitely don’t want to do is become consumed in your own issues thinking that people owe you their time, people will only beg to help you for so long if ever at all, why? Because people have their own damn issues! So if you feel someone’s concern slipping, don’t resent them for it; either open up to them, or simply reassure them that things are difficult but they’re getting better- it’s not a lie if you are actually seeking help from someone.

One more tip: keep your struggle off social media! It’s funny because a lot of people that are very closed in about their feelings post sad things on Twitter or Snapchat every other day. Why??? Why air out your frustrations on social media and notify hundreds of people of your issues knowing fully well that most of your followers don’t care and not one of these people is going to take time out of scrolling down their timeline to offer you counsel? And I don’t mean the odd tweet about your 2nd year group project that is driving you mad, I mean the deep, dark, depressing thoughts that are literally destroying your life. Think carefully about what you let the world know about you, you honestly never know who is watching and plotting for your downfall- it sounds extreme but these things happen.

If you take anything from this surprisingly long post let it be this: God cares and He is always willing to listen 🙂

Psalm 8:4 What is man that You take thought of him, And the son of man that You care for him?

All the best as you break out… slowly,

Tisha x

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