Apparently… You Believe in Me

j cole apparently self belief self-esteem self confidence behind the schmile

Suffering from low self-esteem is not uncommon in today’s society.

There are many reasons for this, the most common in my opinion are:

  • feelings of not belonging
  • feelings of incompetence- self doubt
  • pressure to do well

This is especially prevalent in a university setting. There’s always the pressure to achieve a certain grade but the self-doubt you harbour can lead you to think that you simply aren’t good enough. Feeling incompetent can very easily lead you to believe that you don’t belong there in the first place. Everyone experiences it.

But the low self-esteem that I wish to address today is as a result of feeling as though a certain group of people are better than you.

I was talking to a friend who admitted this to me and at first I thought it was absurd! After all, this is a time where everyone is doing their best to celebrate their Melanin Magic. But the deeper into the discussion we got, the more relatable this situation became to me. If you can relate, then you already know where this is going.

Some have always felt that they’re competing against this group; running an involuntary race they never thought they could win. Maybe this is down to upbringing, society, the media etc., but whatever it is, even though we know deep down in our hearts that what differentiates us could never actually contribute to our capabilities, it still creates mental obstacles for us that have adverse effects on our confidence.

I’ll try to put this in simpler terms to help you visualise and understand my point.

Person A:

  • 25 year old
  • Master’s degree
  • 3 years’ worth of work experience
  • Senior position at large firm

Person B:

  • 25 year old
  • Master’s degree
  • 3 years’ worth of work experience
  • Senior position at large firm

On paper, these two individuals are exactly the same. They have the same qualifications, the same experience and are even working the same job. This means they are both equally deserving of the position and are both equally capable. Yet because Person B belongs to a different group, Person A has convinced him/herself that he/she is somehow inferior. Person A did not need to be told outright that he/she was inferior- he/she just needed to be isolated enough to feel like a ‘special case’ or fluke.

When I wrote my post Differences Matter, I identified a potential root cause. The more we advance in the world, the fewer people we come across that look like us. We’re no longer surrounded by people that share the same skills or talents and represent us at the same time. Maybe we don’t believe we can do certain things because we haven’t seen people like us do it before.

The simple solution to this problem is to believe in yourself, but this is easier said than done. The battle of the mind is always the toughest.

A more practical solution:

j cole apparently self belief self-esteem self confidence behind the schmile

Verbalise positive thoughts

Do this daily to remind yourself of what you deserve and your capabilities

j cole apparently self belief self-esteem self confidence behind the schmileSet milestones

You don’t need to be better than Person B, instead be better than the Person A of yesterday. Tracking your personal progress can help to make you feel more qualified.

j cole apparently self belief self-esteem self confidence behind the schmileBuild a support system

This could be family, friends or even colleagues that remind you of your achievements and support you through tough times. J Cole’s song  Apparently  is a prime example of this. Sometimes you need other people to believe in you to remind you of why you need to believe in yourself.

There is no quick fix and there are times where it is very easy for me to fall back into modes of uncertainty and self-doubt. But I have to learn to focus on my own path.

So I write this to those whom circumstances in society have succeeded in brainwashing into thinking that you are never enough: you are more than enough, you just need to believe in yourself!

j cole apparently self belief self-esteem self confidence behind the schmile

All the best,

Tisha x

#Schmile

Apparently…

You believe in me,

and I thank you for it.

J Cole, Apparently, 2014 Forest Hills Drive

  56 comments for “Apparently… You Believe in Me

  1. Ayo
    August 17, 2017 at 11:03 pm

    The jcole quotes made it so easy to digest and you made some very real points here. I’ll definately be sharing this post with my friends!

    • TishaKimiira
      August 17, 2017 at 11:08 pm

      Thank you so much!!!😊

  2. August 18, 2017 at 2:05 am

    Enjoyed this post very much! I relate to everything in your post and struggle with this all the time. It is horrible feeling to doubt yourself and I love that song you referenced. It is a great song and I think that it holds so much truth and positivity about making your own way! I have always felt like I never got into the expectations of society or others I know and people frown upon it but I have tried doing things their way and none of it ever made me happy. So now I have started a new blog and I am working toward trying to dance to my own beat. I still have my challenging days but I try to remind myself that it’s ok to be different!

    • TishaKimiira
      August 18, 2017 at 7:58 am

      I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for reading! I’m also very pleased that you decided to be different and do things your own way- it’s the only way you can become the beat version of yourself, not a mediocre version of what society wants/expects you to be! All the best 💙

  3. August 18, 2017 at 10:45 am

    I can completely relate to this post. I was the person with low self esteem, despite the master, the position… and accepting myself has been critical in helping with the self esteem! RT your post 🙂

    • TishaKimiira
      August 18, 2017 at 11:18 am

      Glad you can relate and are doing better now! Thank you for reading 💙

  4. August 18, 2017 at 4:48 pm

    You make some very valid points and especially in today’s society. I think we’ve all been here at some point in life. Thanks for sharing!

    • TishaKimiira
      August 18, 2017 at 7:05 pm

      Thank you for reading!💙

  5. August 18, 2017 at 7:10 pm

    I love the J Cole references lol its different. This was a good read. I wish more parents focused on self esteem building from a young age

    • TishaKimiira
      August 18, 2017 at 9:52 pm

      It’s so important yet so overlooked! Thank you so much for reading, glad you enjoyed it!💙

  6. frugalboujeemama
    August 18, 2017 at 8:47 pm

    I wrote out this long comment then my daughter called and it didn’t submit smh. Beautiful post. Fill your mind positive things, surround yourself with positive things. Joyce Meyer says the mind is a battlefield. Fill your mind with the good stuff first because the bad always finds their way in.

    • TishaKimiira
      August 18, 2017 at 9:53 pm

      Haha thank you for taking the time to do that! It is definitely a battlefield! Thank you so much!

  7. August 19, 2017 at 12:48 am

    You always know what to say Tisha 🙂 “Apparently” is one of my favorites songs by J. Cole! This song is so inspiring, has wisdom in every word, and I’m so glad you felt this and turned it into this beautiful text! I admire you 🙂 God bless you always!

    • TishaKimiira
      August 19, 2017 at 10:26 pm

      Thank you so much! Kind & supportive words as always! Glad you enjoyed it- it’s such a beautiful song!!!💙💙💙

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