Hold your horses people! I know that not every single male being on the face of planet earth is trash and I’m not here to promote ignorance. But I also have no intentions to hide away from screaming #MenAreTrash whenever possible. Hopefully, this post helps you understand why.
However, if you are easily offended, please do not proceed, simply visit another ‘happy’ blog with pictures of unicorns.
Someone is sitting behind their screen right now, flexing their finger muscles, ready to leave a novel-length response in the comments telling me that #WomenAreTrash too. Why? Because we also cheat? Spare me.
“Men are disloyal”
“Men just want sex”
“Men can be abusive”
“Men hold double standards”
“Men struggle to be monogamous”
“Men feel entitled” – Read Beware of Uncles
“Men want a trophy after years of messing around”
“Men don’t know how to handle rejection and turn abusive”
“Men with a body count of 1495374837 want to marry a virgin”
“Men feel entitled to a woman because they spent X amount on a date”
“Men are only willing to scream feminism when it comes to paying for a date”
“Men treat women as construction workers, waiting for a woman to ‘build them up’”
“Men are happy to spend every night in the club but wouldn’t wife a woman they met in the club”
I could go on. But my post today will not be centred around any of these issues because as is rightly argued, women are also guilty of many of these atrocities.
Many will not struggle to associate the above list with what society has coined ‘trash behaviour’, but first of all, let us define what exactly this trash we speak so passionately about actually is.
foolish or pointless ideas, talk or writing (Source)
a person or people regarded as being of very low social standing (Source)
It is somewhat ironic, that from my observations, the root causes for trash behaviour actually stem from the false belief that men are more superior and ultimately, have a higher social standing than women.
The reason #MenAreTrash goes much deeper than body count, infidelity and paying for dates…
Social Constructs & Upbringing
It starts at home. It starts during childhood. It starts with you: the parents.
In a household where gender roles are defined before a child can even construct a full sentence, it comes as no surprise that many of the gender roles we observe and adopt today mirror those from our historic patriarchal societies.
A patriarchal society, for those of you who are unclear, is one in which men have power over women, simply because they are men. Crazy, I know. The illusion of having such power has deceived many into thinking that they have the right to do things that others (women) cannot. Be it having multiple sexual partners (simultaneously), or being assertive in the workplace, we have succeeded in training up our boys in a manner that conditions them to believe that they are superior.
Our sons are constantly reminded that they will one day be the ‘man of the house’ therefore it is important that they get a good education in order to one day support a family. While our daughters are prepped for marriage from day one. Good grades are nice, but good cooking is better, after all, how else will she know how to feed her husband and children? Microaggressions like this are partly to blame for these feelings of superiority; after all, how can a man possibly feel he is in any way equal to a woman when from day one, his assumed importance and power has been made clear?
#MenAreTrash because men have been fooled into believing that they cannot be men unless they meet certain masculinity standards. Standards that remove any forms of vulnerability, weakness and ultimately a true sense of self. Aunty Chi said it best because that is simply what Aunty Chi does:
“We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way” – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, We Should All Be Feminists
Then when all is said and done, after destroying their capability to feel or express emotion without fear of judgement, we cradle them. We nurture and care for them as mothers then hand over the responsibility to the wife, never giving them the opportunity, or better still, reason, to learn to look after themselves. It should come as no surprise that the man you’ve been dating for a while is waiting for you to build him up, this is what his society has told him you’re supposed to do!
“It’s like the problem in the world today is we love our boys and we raise our girls,” – Michelle Obama
We make excuses for them, saying “boys will be boys”, accepting their bad behaviour as a part of their nature whilst disciplining our daughters for doing the exact same thing. So how dare we be surprised when a guy feels it is okay to be disloyal, lie or cheat on his significant other? Again, this is what we have told him he is allowed to do! *
*and get away with, there is to be no consequence
“Are we protecting our men too much so that they feel a little entitled and a little, you know, self-righteous sometimes?” – Michelle Obama
Accountability & Emotional Disconnect
Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Kevin Spacey, Russell Simmons, Dustin Hoffman, shall I continue?
I could go there, but I honestly don’t feel that I need to. If you don’t already get it, you probably never will. Every man (or woman) and his dog has already shared their views on the ongoing ‘revelations’, I don’t need to add my two-cents. The entitlement that many men feel is already detrimental enough; when coupled with money, power and status, we’ve seen just how bad things get.
My real issue with these recent allegations is the lack of empathy men seem to show.
I’m often told by guys, that they, as individuals, are “not trash” …
Great! But what are you doing about your friends? You know, the one that is emotionally abusive, or the one who neglected his children for years?
I can confidently argue that the majority of men are trash. Of course, I haven’t met the majority of the world’s male population. But when you fail to recognise why the behaviour of your kind is deemed trash, or are unwilling to hold them accountable for their actions, I am left with no choice other than to lumber you all together. Problem is that there is no landfill site large enough. So here we are, still walking on littered streets.
Before I continue, I would like to point out that the above tweet was posted by a man, calling out other men for their trash behaviour. This is the accountability we don’t see enough of.
As united as men are, it doesn’t seem as if improvement is a long-term goal. If anything, for some, the poor and inexcusable behaviour of the majority has fooled the ‘good’ few, into believing that they are saints. I am not here to applaud a fish for swimming.
The lack of empathy that men appear to have for women is possibly one of the reasons we are still stuck in this smelly, rotten, trash-filled mess.
I get it, you aren’t responsible for every single man on the planet; the same way I am not responsible for every other woman, Christian, or black individual. I cannot ask you to be held accountable for strangers, but I can hold you accountable for your friends and family. Don’t wait for the person chiming in on #MeToo to be your daughter, sister or mother! Take a stand now!
Oh, y’all thought this was a one-sided attack? Lol.
STOP TOLERATING TRASH BEHAVIOUR!
Girl, have a seat, I just wanna talk. What makes you think you, as a woman, can do a better job than his mother, a woman, or any other woman that raised him? I really would like to know. Is this one of the many superpowers that come with being a woman- the ability to fix a man’s ego? Let me know sis.
In case you didn’t already know, it is not your job to fix anyone besides yourself. Stop investing time into a man that lacks respect for you because “he has potential” or “just needs a good woman to change him”. Listen and listen well: A GOOD WOMAN DESERVES A GOOD MAN! You do not have the power to change a grown man! Stop wasting time and get to Know Your Worth (post coming soon)!
I know that for a lot of women, their inability to demand respect from their male counterparts is a result of what we like to call Daddy Issues. Girl do I have a post for you: Growing Pains: Overcoming Childhood Issues
One of my favourite bloggers wrote a post about trash black men, naming them the narcissists of the black community and urges women to stop attempting to clean up their mess. Have a read of what Patrice had to say here. I won’t single out black men, but I will echo the point raised that as women, it is not our job to ‘fix’ people, it’s not even our job to ‘take out the trash’. Our job is to find better, do better and move on. We don’t have the power to change anyone but ourselves: this should be our focus!
Without unity, it’s a losing battle.
In this fight, we are the weakest link and once again it isn’t solely our faults, upbringing has contributed largely to this.
“We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what a woman is more likely to do” – Aunty Chi
We protect the male ego and fail to put ourselves first. We’re so set on living in order to please men that we are in constant competition with each other. We’ve been conditioned into thinking that marriage is this sacred thing that we should all aspire to and so in the process, we are willing to throw our fellow women under the bus. All for what? Trash???
Ladies, educate yourselves! We can’t be united in this fight if we don’t even know what it is we’re fighting for! There are women outchea in these streets scared to call themselves feminists, not extremists, just regular ol’ feminists… Please understand what I’m saying here: there are women scared to admit that they are equal to men because they are scared it will drive men away! If oppression is your calling in life then I guess this doesn’t apply to you, but if not, do better!
Times have changed but we haven’t changed enough.
Women are independent.
Women are educated.
Women are tired.
Yet so many women still tolerate trash.
Male Superiority Complex
The superiority complex is a psychological term referring to the belief that one may use an attitude of superiority to conceal true feelings of inferiority and failure. The term has often been used, similarly to this post, to describe the behaviour of men.
In my humble opinion, of which I am sure many have already chosen to argue, this superiority is the main, if not only, root issue.
Superiority is why a promiscuous girl and a promiscuous boy cannot be equal: because the boy is already believed to be worth so much more.
It is this superiority that leads a ‘man’ to question my unwillingness to involve in intercourse after a date. Why? Because when he views me as anything less than himself, he is of the opinion that he can buy me. That date was an investment and pussoir is the reward.
Superiority is the reason that even though lying and cheating are not the real reasons we scream #MenAreTrash, it is where it is most commonly used, because in most cases, these actions are a direct result.
I Am Not Condemning All Men!
I am a human with flaws, my intention here is not to condemn every man on earth. But when I started discussing this topic it became very obvious to me that many men don’t really understand why we chant #MenAreTrash. Everything discussed here is a result of bad education meaning that better education is an obvious long-term solution.
Be it their fathers, friends or public figures, the reality is that in most cases, young boys grow up doing what they have seen the men around them doing. The same goes for young girls. To quote Disney Channel’s Halloweentown: “Mortal see, mortal do”. This goes for abusive relationships, disloyalty and any other behaviours deemed trash. Such behaviours are learned, so teach our young boys to be better.
I will not refrain from stating my views to make others feel more comfortable and I don’t plan to apologise for this. #NotAllMenAreTrash and #AllLivesMatter members, please exit stage left.
I just want change!
I’m tired of seeing #MeToo on my timeline.
I’m tired of having to lie about being in a relationship to get a guy to leave me alone.
I’m am tired of having to deal with a grown ass man that doesn’t have basic respect for women despite being born of and raised by a woman because the so-called men he praises couldn’t be bothered.
I don’t wish to raise daughters in a world where they fight the same battles that I did, neither do I want to raise sons and have to struggle extra hard to groom them into good men because the role models are lacking. I simply want better for us all.
So, no, I haven’t been cheated on. Neither am I a bitter old extreme feminist who hates all men and prays for their downfall. But I don’t need to be. This doesn’t revoke my right to chant #MenAreTrash because unfortunately, it’s now 2018 and they still are.
With all that being said, thank you to the non-trash men out there. I shouldn’t have to congratulate you for doing what is expected. But I will, because I know your kind make it even harder to resist succumbing to trash tendencies.
Hoping for change,
P.S. Women can equally be trash too but someone else can write about this, thanks xAll gifs courtesy of giphy.com