It’s 2018 & #MenAreSTILLTrash

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It's 2018 and #MenAreSTILLTrash Behind the Schmile Tisha Talks Men Are Trash

Hold your horses people! I know that not every single male being on the face of planet earth is trash and I’m not here to promote ignorance. But I also have no intentions to hide away from screaming #MenAreTrash whenever possible. Hopefully, this post helps you understand why.

However, if you are easily offended, please do not proceed, simply visit another ‘happy’ blog with pictures of unicorns.

Someone is sitting behind their screen right now, flexing their finger muscles, ready to leave a novel-length response in the comments telling me that #WomenAreTrash too. Why? Because we also cheat? Spare me.

“Men lie”

“Men cheat”

“Men are disloyal”

“Men just want sex”

“Men can be abusive”

“Men hold double standards”

“Men struggle to be monogamous”

“Men feel entitled” – Read Beware of Uncles

“Men want a trophy after years of messing around”

“Men don’t know how to handle rejection and turn abusive”

“Men with a body count of 1495374837 want to marry a virgin”

“Men feel entitled to a woman because they spent X amount on a date”

“Men are only willing to scream feminism when it comes to paying for a date”

“Men treat women as construction workers, waiting for a woman to ‘build them up’”

“Men are happy to spend every night in the club but wouldn’t wife a woman they met in the club”

I could go on. But my post today will not be centred around any of these issues because as is rightly argued, women are also guilty of many of these atrocities.

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Many will not struggle to associate the above list with what society has coined ‘trash behaviour’, but first of all, let us define what exactly this trash we speak so passionately about actually is.

Trash:

foolish or pointless ideas, talk or writing (Source)

a person or people regarded as being of very low social standing (Source)

It is somewhat ironic, that from my observations, the root causes for trash behaviour actually stem from the false belief that men are more superior and ultimately, have a higher social standing than women.

The reason #MenAreTrash goes much deeper than body count, infidelity and paying for dates…

Social Constructs & Upbringing

It starts at home. It starts during childhood. It starts with you: the parents.

In a household where gender roles are defined before a child can even construct a full sentence, it comes as no surprise that many of the gender roles we observe and adopt today mirror those from our historic patriarchal societies.

A patriarchal society, for those of you who are unclear, is one in which men have power over women, simply because they are men. Crazy, I know. The illusion of having such power has deceived many into thinking that they have the right to do things that others (women) cannot. Be it having multiple sexual partners (simultaneously), or being assertive in the workplace, we have succeeded in training up our boys in a manner that conditions them to believe that they are superior.

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Our sons are constantly reminded that they will one day be the ‘man of the house’ therefore it is important that they get a good education in order to one day support a family. While our daughters are prepped for marriage from day one. Good grades are nice, but good cooking is better, after all, how else will she know how to feed her husband and children? Microaggressions like this are partly to blame for these feelings of superiority; after all, how can a man possibly feel he is in any way equal to a woman when from day one, his assumed importance and power has been made clear?

Double Standards

#MenAreTrash because men have been fooled into believing that they cannot be men unless they meet certain masculinity standards. Standards that remove any forms of vulnerability, weakness and ultimately a true sense of self. Aunty Chi said it best because that is simply what Aunty Chi does:

“We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way”Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, We Should All Be Feminists

Then when all is said and done, after destroying their capability to feel or express emotion without fear of judgement, we cradle them. We nurture and care for them as mothers then hand over the responsibility to the wife, never giving them the opportunity, or better still, reason, to learn to look after themselves. It should come as no surprise that the man you’ve been dating for a while is waiting for you to build him up, this is what his society has told him you’re supposed to do!

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“It’s like the problem in the world today is we love our boys and we raise our girls,” – Michelle Obama

We make excuses for them, saying “boys will be boys”, accepting their bad behaviour as a part of their nature whilst disciplining our daughters for doing the exact same thing. So how dare we be surprised when a guy feels it is okay to be disloyal, lie or cheat on his significant other? Again, this is what we have told him he is allowed to do! *

*and get away with, there is to be no consequence

“Are we protecting our men too much so that they feel a little entitled and a little, you know, self-righteous sometimes?” – Michelle Obama

Accountability & Emotional Disconnect

Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Kevin Spacey, Russell Simmons, Dustin Hoffman, shall I continue?

I could go there, but I honestly don’t feel that I need to. If you don’t already get it, you probably never will. Every man (or woman) and his dog has already shared their views on the ongoing ‘revelations’, I don’t need to add my two-cents. The entitlement that many men feel is already detrimental enough; when coupled with money, power and status, we’ve seen just how bad things get.

My real issue with these recent allegations is the lack of empathy men seem to show.

I’m often told by guys, that they, as individuals, are “not trash” …

Great! But what are you doing about your friends? You know, the one that is emotionally abusive, or the one who neglected his children for years?

#menaretrash behind the schmile tisha talks lifestyle blogger self development men are trash

I can confidently argue that the majority of men are trash. Of course, I haven’t met the majority of the world’s male population. But when you fail to recognise why the behaviour of your kind is deemed trash, or are unwilling to hold them accountable for their actions, I am left with no choice other than to lumber you all together. Problem is that there is no landfill site large enough. So here we are, still walking on littered streets.

#menaretrash men are trash tweet behind the schmile tisha talks lifestyle blog self development blogger

Before I continue, I would like to point out that the above tweet was posted by a man, calling out other men for their trash behaviour. This is the accountability we don’t see enough of.

As united as men are, it doesn’t seem as if improvement is a long-term goal. If anything, for some, the poor and inexcusable behaviour of the majority has fooled the ‘good’ few, into believing that they are saints. I am not here to applaud a fish for swimming.

The lack of empathy that men appear to have for women is possibly one of the reasons we are still stuck in this smelly, rotten, trash-filled mess.

I get it, you aren’t responsible for every single man on the planet; the same way I am not responsible for every other woman, Christian, or black individual. I cannot ask you to be held accountable for strangers, but I can hold you accountable for your friends and family. Don’t wait for the person chiming in on #MeToo to be your daughter, sister or mother! Take a stand now!

Women

Oh, y’all thought this was a one-sided attack? Lol.

STOP TOLERATING TRASH BEHAVIOUR!

Girl, have a seat, I just wanna talk. What makes you think you, as a woman, can do a better job than his mother, a woman, or any other woman that raised him? I really would like to know. Is this one of the many superpowers that come with being a woman- the ability to fix a man’s ego? Let me know sis.

In case you didn’t already know, it is not your job to fix anyone besides yourself. Stop investing time into a man that lacks respect for you because “he has potential” or “just needs a good woman to change him”. Listen and listen well: A GOOD WOMAN DESERVES A GOOD MAN! You do not have the power to change a grown man! Stop wasting time and get to Know Your Worth (post coming soon)!

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I know that for a lot of women, their inability to demand respect from their male counterparts is a result of what we like to call Daddy Issues. Girl do I have a post for you: Growing Pains: Overcoming Childhood Issues

One of my favourite bloggers wrote a post about trash black men, naming them the narcissists of the black community and urges women to stop attempting to clean up their mess. Have a read of what Patrice had to say hereI won’t single out black men, but I will echo the point raised that as women, it is not our job to ‘fix’ people, it’s not even our job to ‘take out the trash’. Our job is to find better, do better and move on. We don’t have the power to change anyone but ourselves: this should be our focus!

Without unity, it’s a losing battle.

In this fight, we are the weakest link and once again it isn’t solely our faults, upbringing has contributed largely to this.

“We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what a woman is more likely to do” – Aunty Chi

We protect the male ego and fail to put ourselves first. We’re so set on living in order to please men that we are in constant competition with each other. We’ve been conditioned into thinking that marriage is this sacred thing that we should all aspire to and so in the process, we are willing to throw our fellow women under the bus. All for what? Trash???

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Ladies, educate yourselves! We can’t be united in this fight if we don’t even know what it is we’re fighting for! There are women outchea in these streets scared to call themselves feminists, not extremists, just regular ol’ feminists… Please understand what I’m saying here: there are women scared to admit that they are equal to men because they are scared it will drive men away! If oppression is your calling in life then I guess this doesn’t apply to you, but if not, do better!

Times have changed but we haven’t changed enough.

Women are independent.

Women are educated.

Women are tired.

Yet so many women still tolerate trash.

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Male Superiority Complex

The superiority complex is a psychological term referring to the belief that one may use an attitude of superiority to conceal true feelings of inferiority and failure. The term has often been used, similarly to this post, to describe the behaviour of men.

In my humble opinion, of which I am sure many have already chosen to argue, this superiority is the main, if not only, root issue.

Superiority is why a promiscuous girl and a promiscuous boy cannot be equal: because the boy is already believed to be worth so much more.

It is this superiority that leads a ‘man’ to question my unwillingness to involve in intercourse after a date. Why? Because when he views me as anything less than himself, he is of the opinion that he can buy me. That date was an investment and pussoir is the reward.

Superiority is the reason that even though lying and cheating are not the real reasons we scream #MenAreTrash, it is where it is most commonly used, because in most cases, these actions are a direct result.

I Am Not Condemning All Men!

I am a human with flaws, my intention here is not to condemn every man on earth. But when I started discussing this topic it became very obvious to me that many men don’t really understand why we chant #MenAreTrash. Everything discussed here is a result of bad education meaning that better education is an obvious long-term solution.

Be it their fathers, friends or public figures, the reality is that in most cases, young boys grow up doing what they have seen the men around them doing. The same goes for young girls. To quote Disney Channel’s Halloweentown: “Mortal see, mortal do”. This goes for abusive relationships, disloyalty and any other behaviours deemed trash. Such behaviours are learned, so teach our young boys to be better.

I will not refrain from stating my views to make others feel more comfortable and I don’t plan to apologise for this. #NotAllMenAreTrash and #AllLivesMatter members, please exit stage left.

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I just want change!

I’m tired of seeing #MeToo on my timeline.

I’m tired of having to lie about being in a relationship to get a guy to leave me alone.

I’m am tired of having to deal with a grown ass man that doesn’t have basic respect for women despite being born of and raised by a woman because the so-called men he praises couldn’t be bothered.

I don’t wish to raise daughters in a world where they fight the same battles that I did, neither do I want to raise sons and have to struggle extra hard to groom them into good men because the role models are lacking. I simply want better for us all.

So, no, I haven’t been cheated on. Neither am I a bitter old extreme feminist who hates all men and prays for their downfall. But I don’t need to be. This doesn’t revoke my right to chant #MenAreTrash because unfortunately, it’s now 2018 and they still are.

With all that being said, thank you to the non-trash men out there. I shouldn’t have to congratulate you for doing what is expected. But I will, because I know your kind make it even harder to resist succumbing to trash tendencies.

Hoping for change,

Tisha x

#Schmile

P.S. Women can equally be trash too but someone else can write about this, thanks xAll gifs courtesy of giphy.com

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77 Comments

  1. January 28, 2018 / 3:15 pm

    Yasss your back , you really came with fireeee I absolutely love this many things in this spoke to me especially where you said A GOOD WOMAN DESERVES A GOOD MAN !!!! I always preach this to my female friends so I’m glad that it’s not just me that thinks this …. loved this post don’t go away for too long next time keep it up hun , honestly great post !!!

    • TishaKimiira
      January 28, 2018 / 3:17 pm

      Thank you so much!!!!! Yesoooo I’m back and men are still trash 😂I’m glad you could relate to it! I won’t disappear again I promise 💙

  2. January 28, 2018 / 4:13 pm

    This is an interesting post! You definitely put a new perspective on the subject!

    • TishaKimiira
      January 28, 2018 / 5:01 pm

      Thank you so much for reading!💙

  3. rspires811
    January 28, 2018 / 4:32 pm

    I absolutely love your post. if more women would learn to stop accepting trash behavior, they will be better off.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 28, 2018 / 5:01 pm

      Thank you! Glad you liked it!💙

  4. Emily Fata
    January 28, 2018 / 5:47 pm

    I honestly agree with the vast majority of what you’re saying. We live in a culture that promotes this kind of mentality in men, which is awful in itself.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 28, 2018 / 6:27 pm

      Thank you so much for reading! Glad you agree x

  5. January 28, 2018 / 6:26 pm

    Whew! You’ve covered lots of ground here. The part about women being scared to call themselves “feminists” nearly made me shout. Feminism is too often viewed as a destructive term, when it’s frankly a movement for fair and equal treatment. Who’d have a problem with that? Pieces like this help move the conversation forward because they address both ends of spectrum. I enjoyed the read!

    • TishaKimiira
      January 28, 2018 / 6:28 pm

      GIRL!!! We’re not helping ourselves because we don’t want to recognise the problems for what they are, that would mean accepting some blame (by we, I mean women, especially those against feminism). So glad you enjoyed the post! Thanks for reading 🙂

  6. Shade
    January 28, 2018 / 7:15 pm

    👏🏾🙌🏾👍🏾😀

    • TishaKimiira
      January 28, 2018 / 7:16 pm

      💙💙💙

  7. January 28, 2018 / 7:25 pm

    THISSSS!!!! I am personally always challenging people about their friends. YOU are not trash, but you sit in silence while your friends are trash. UHM NO. You don’t get to ump into this conversation to only absolve yourself of responsibility when you know your most frequently contacted contacts are all trash. Like what do YOU do to challenge their trash ass beliefs. What are YOU saying when one of your boys are harassing a woman on the street that doesn’t want to be bothered? Oh now it’s none of your business right? CHILE. Don’t let me start on your post lol. We’ll be here for days.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 28, 2018 / 7:30 pm

      😂😂😂😂LOVE IT! People (not just men) are so happy to watch everyone around them act a fool. I can’t. If I cannot correct you then I’d rather not be associated! Thanks for reading💙💙💙

  8. January 29, 2018 / 3:02 am

    Yes. This is good in so many ways. Thank you for writing it, lady! Very necessary.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 7:04 am

      💙💙💙

  9. Shell
    January 29, 2018 / 3:04 am

    Thank you for speaking out loud what many are scared or afraid to say… such truth… I wish more people would speak up like this…

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 7:04 am

      Thank you for reading!💙

  10. Alina
    January 29, 2018 / 10:02 am

    Self-love and self-respect are fundamental for a woman’s happiness, and the choice of a man shows if she has it or there is still something to work on. Unfortunately sometimes we simply tolerate what we should not.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 12:32 pm

      Agreed! Thank you so much for reading💙

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 12:32 pm

      I’m so glad I was able to do that! Thank you so much for reading!😊

  11. January 29, 2018 / 11:37 am

    This is an interesting post and honestly I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing this. Great post!

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 12:33 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it!💙

  12. January 29, 2018 / 12:25 pm

    Well, good to know someone else gets it! The trash behavior just seems to be continuing nonstop. And when you try to explain to them why their behavior is trash they call you crazy and whatever else term they can come up with. It’s ridiculous. Nice Post.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 12:33 pm

      It’s honestly the worst! I got sick and tired of trying to explain lol and hence the post. Thanks for reading!💙

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 12:44 pm

      Thank you for reading!💙

  13. January 29, 2018 / 12:48 pm

    First of all welcome back! You were missed. I love, love, love this post and wish more would think like this. I too have had my share of accepting trash behavior from men and making excuses for them. It’s not because I have/had daddy issues because I have a great relationship with my father but I feel like society for me, makes it easy to accept the trash ass ness of men. Sure they’re great men out there but I’m no construction worker and I’m no Noah, my job is not to build you up only for you to do the bare minimum.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 1:04 pm

      Thank you so much! I missed blogging more than you can imagine!☺️ Society makes it way too easy, anything else seems so foreign to us. Bare minimum twitter are up on arms right now 😂😂😂Thanks for your support as always!💙💙💙

        • TishaKimiira
          January 29, 2018 / 4:06 pm

          😂😂😂love it!

  14. Elizabeth O
    January 29, 2018 / 2:08 pm

    You make some really good points here, I think a person should not accept trash from anyone, especially men. In this day and age I think its more important than ever to treat all people with respect and how you would like to be treated yourself. 🙂

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 2:30 pm

      Totally agree! Respect is all it comes down to. Thanks for reading 💙

  15. January 29, 2018 / 4:33 pm

    I have my ballpoint pen in hand ready to COSIGN with everything you just said lol I was literally JUST talking to my friend about that this morning!!! I thought I was the only one dealing with this lol

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 5:35 pm

      GIRL! You are NOT alone! Thank you for reading!!!💙

  16. January 29, 2018 / 5:01 pm

    Such a cute yet honest post! II love the gif’s.I agree that It starts at home.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 5:35 pm

      Thank you so much!💙

  17. January 29, 2018 / 6:14 pm

    Yessss!!! I’m so over this. And it doesn’t seem to get better as we get older. I think about this stuff all the time and just posted a pic on my IG yesterday saying basically the same thing.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 6:16 pm

      So over it! I think the only way we can start to see a change is if we raise up the generation with better understanding and education of the issues! Thanks for reading! :0

  18. Adepoju Grace
    January 29, 2018 / 6:51 pm

    Well detailed, valid points. Babe, you should write a book! Beautiful.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 7:26 pm

      Thank you so much! Really appreciate your feedback! 🙂 x

  19. January 29, 2018 / 8:17 pm

    You said what so many women were thinking! Thank you for being that voice!! I’m thankful my hubby is nothing short of amazing, but I’ve seen some friends settle for disrespect and cheating. It’s sad.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 8:35 pm

      Thank you for supporting! It’s sad and somewhat disgusting that society has made many think it’s an acceptable norm! Things have to change!😊

  20. January 29, 2018 / 10:43 pm

    I totally understand where you are coming from. The society we live in almost encourages this behavior. In college I used to here things like: “I call dibs on her!” & “If I can’t have her no one can.” Some men treat women like trophies, the more trophies you have the better “player” you are. Its sad.

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 10:49 pm

      Exactly! We’re so used to it all that it has become a part of our culture! Thank you for taking the time to read!💙

  21. January 29, 2018 / 11:06 pm

    This was pretty great and made me sad at the world at the same time. I have many men in my life that feel weak and not “manly” because they don’t fit the social “man” norm, but they are amazing guys and the ones that make great husbands and friends because they treat everyone with respect! I’m hoping things eventually change for the better. One day…

    • TishaKimiira
      January 29, 2018 / 11:17 pm

      Their presence is hope!!! It can get better! It will just take time! Thank you for reading💙💙💙

  22. Andrew Kiwanuka
    January 30, 2018 / 6:54 am

    A brilliant article! Thank you!

    • TishaKimiira
      January 30, 2018 / 9:01 am

      Thank you for reading😊

  23. February 1, 2018 / 3:28 pm

    BUT WHERE IS THE LIE! Masculinity is imaginary and toxic AF. Must read.

    • TishaKimiira
      February 1, 2018 / 3:32 pm

      GIRL! Sooooo imaginary! Thank you so much for reading! 🙂 x

  24. February 1, 2018 / 4:20 pm

    It’s so funny I see this post. I was in a Facebook group yesterday and a member posed a question: Ladies, is buying your 16 year old son a box of condoms for his birthday a good idea?” I was so taken aback by this question and especially after seeing some of the responses that I HAD to respond. I listed the very same reasons you have here. SOOO glad to know there are others who share my sentiments. LOVE this post.

    • TishaKimiira
      February 1, 2018 / 4:36 pm

      You would never see something similar for a female child! We give them way too many passes then turn around and complain about how they act! So over it!!! I’m just as happy that you feel the same way bc I come across way too many women that encourage/accommodate ‘trash’ behaviour. Thanks for reading luvie! 🙂

  25. February 1, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    THIS. RIGHT. HERE. The best post yet! I completely agree with you! Well said!

    • TishaKimiira
      February 1, 2018 / 9:20 pm

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read! I’m so glad you enjoyed the post and even more excited that you agree! Appreciate the support 🙂 x

  26. nabilaraine
    February 2, 2018 / 4:14 pm

    GIRL!! Wow. This whole post was so on point. I love all of the quotes you threw in there as well, they were very eye opening. I will be sharing!!

    • TishaKimiira
      February 2, 2018 / 6:49 pm

      Thank you so much for reading!!!

  27. cleverlychanging
    February 5, 2018 / 12:58 pm

    Some men can be toxic. I don’t have a lot of experience with the toxic kind though. My man is the best. He and I have been on a journey to become the best people we can together and when I’m around him I feel like I can conquer the world.

    • TishaKimiira
      February 5, 2018 / 1:47 pm

      This is refreshing lol! Thanks for reading 💙

  28. February 5, 2018 / 1:15 pm

    Girl my biggest pet peeve is having to lie that I have a man so a man can leave me alone. I already said I am going to stop doing it because I am just not interested and he needs to know. I am single but you arent my type should be enough! Yes some men are trash I feel this post, and real men reading this post wont get offended because they dont possess these attributes. Be a good man and you wont have to worry about being called trash. Easy.

    • TishaKimiira
      February 5, 2018 / 1:48 pm

      It’s so annoying! And it still doesn’t work 😂😂😂Exactly! I’ve had positive feedback from men offline so there’s hope lol! Thanks for reading💙

  29. Kita
    February 5, 2018 / 1:52 pm

    The title alone made me crack up. Men are a trip for real. Hopefully I doing a good job raising my son because I refuse to have him live in a place of “masculine privilege”.

    • TishaKimiira
      February 5, 2018 / 1:56 pm

      This is all we can hope for! Thanks for reading luvie!💙

  30. February 5, 2018 / 5:35 pm

    You ain’t speaking nothing but truth!! This society has really turned our men into trash and it is so unfortunate that I as a woman actually prayed not to have sons because I knew the man I got pregnant by would not be able to raise a man. But like you said it’s on me because I should not have even been with a guy like that. I love Maya Angelou’s quote “When they show you who they are, believe them.” As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned from my mistakes and have grown to realize that I shouldn’t have to hold a “struggling” man down. We as women deserve so much better than a guy that really doesn’t deserve us!

    • TishaKimiira
      February 5, 2018 / 6:40 pm

      It’s unfortunate that many woman have felt the exact same way- I for one can completely relate!!! Aunty Maya always came through with the wisdom! We deserve what we give out, this should be our best! Thank you so much for reading💙

  31. February 6, 2018 / 12:22 am

    I loved reading this and I couldn’t agree more girl! You are so on point! Thank you for sharing

    • TishaKimiira
      February 6, 2018 / 12:33 am

      Thank you 💙

  32. February 6, 2018 / 11:57 am

    This is a great post. I agree with so many of the things that you said. Especially with the double standards. I’ve been victim to double standards more than I want to admit. I’m trying to change that now.

    • TishaKimiira
      February 6, 2018 / 12:35 pm

      Thank you so much for reading- I’m so glad you agree! We’ve all been victims unfortunately- we can only hope and work towards better! 🙂 x

  33. EG III
    February 6, 2018 / 12:53 pm

    As a man who grew up in a household of women as the only son, #womenaretrash could also be given in a number of situations as well. The difference being, I refuse to single out either sex in such a way because in the end all we’re doing are both dragging each other down. If we surround ourselves with like-minded individuals that have respect then we lead by example…and I have always been a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words.

    • TishaKimiira
      February 6, 2018 / 1:06 pm

      Thank you for taking the time to read, I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I agree that women also have issues, my aim here is simply to educate men, especially those in my generation, of the issues that they seem to overlook in their defence of #menaretrash and to discuss something much deeper than cheating 🙂

      • EG III
        February 6, 2018 / 9:07 pm

        Well, thank you for giving the platform to share my opinion on the matter.

  34. February 7, 2018 / 3:12 am

    This was an hear full. great insights. I agree with the “women too scared to call them self feminist.” I’m never afraid, I stand for fair and equal rights.

    • TishaKimiira
      February 7, 2018 / 7:15 am

      Thank you for reading!😊

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